Seville Family Rule Book
by TimberWolfAlpha
Summary: Simple guidelines to survive in the Seville house, and trust me these will come in handy for you. R&R if you want and Rated T for cursing, comedic violence and... randomness. CGI version.
1. Chapter 1: Rules 1 to 20

**Opening Statement:** Hey there readers, hope you've liked these stories so far, because... they are going to keep on coming. And this is a special one, as it's one that hasn't really happened in a while on fanfiction... this is some rules. See I was sitting here on my bed and reading over Kuro Rakka Shimo's old post "Kuro's Rules To Living With The Seville Family!" and it got me thinking about what rules need to be made in the Seville house with five bats in the home. So without further delay, let's get laying down the law!

 **Disclaimer:** AATC belongs to Ross B. and Fox Studios, and the OC's of Nathan, Kris, Cleo, Julian, Amani, Zack and Silas belong to me.

* * *

 **Seville Family Rule Book.**

Every family has rules, no running while holding scissors, don't leave trash all over the house, you know the usual drill. But this is the Seville house we're talking about, and things are a bit different due to the majority of the residents being talking rodents, six chipmunks, five bats, and although not living exclusively in the Seville home, a rat with voodoo magic and a squirrel who lives next door. There's been a lot of these rules made due to circumstances that defy common logic, but that's what happens when you live in a house with talking rodents. All the events that accompany the rules actually happened, most of which I've been a witness to, so let's get to the actual rules.

 **Rules 1 to 20:**

 **Rule #1:** Air-horn + Nathan sleeping = You going to the ER!

Most people don't know this, though like most bats Nathan is somewhat prone to napping during the day... a perfect target for a prank, though Toby would learn very quickly not to do this ever again.

*Nathan hanging in the living room from the ceiling, softly snoring as he napped. Toby then entered the room with an air-horn and held it inches from Nathan's head*

Toby: This is going to be great!

Nathan: *still snoring softly*

*Toby pushes the button on the horn and blows the loud noise into Nathan's ear, the large bat's eyes snapping open as he lost his grip and fell to the couch, Toby laughing hysterically*

Toby: OH MY GOD, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE!

Nathan: *growling* Really... I could say the same about you!

*Toby only has time to glance toward Nathan before he's being mauled by the large bat, screaming in both terror and pain*

Yeah... that's why Toby doesn't like to visit too often anymore.

* * *

 **Rule #2:** Alvin is no longer allowed near Kris's blood supply!

I know Alvin loves to play some pretty elaborate pranks, but this time he nearly made Brittany have a heart attack by... well just look at this here!

*Brittany walks into the kitchen and then screams, finding Alvin lying in a pool of blood with a dark stain centered on his chest*

Brittany: OH MY GOD, ALVIN! WHO DID THIS TO YOU!?

*Brittany throws herself onto Alvin's body, sobbing a bit before Alvin jolted upright and grabbed his mate, causing Brittany to scream*

Alvin: Hahaha! I got you Britt!

Brittany: *teary eyed but pissed* YOU IDIOT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

*Alvin quickly leaps out of the blood pool, dashing away and leaving behind bloody paw prints*

Alvin: You'll never catch me alive!

Okay Alvin, tell yourself that, meanwhile Kris is going to be pissed beyond all reason for you wasting her blood supply.

* * *

 **Rule #3:** If you ever see Silas anywhere, RUN!

That rat may be a master of voodoo, but I'll be damned if he isn't the greatest prankster I've ever known! I mean look what he did to Dave!

*Dave sitting in his office going over paperwork, when he is suddenly engulfed in a glowing cloud, which soon clears and reveals a Chipmunk in Dave's clothing*

Chipmunk Dave: SILAS!

Silas: Oh come on now, haven't you always wondered what goes through your son's heads?

*Chipmunk Dave glaring at the rat intensely*

Chipmunk Dave: NO! Change me back NOW!

*Silas rolls his eyes and snaps his fingers, returning Dave to normal*

Silas: Spoil sport.

Yeah, Silas is pretty unpredictable, and since he can essentially show up whenever he feels like it, we can never be sure what to expect. Dave still had a tail for a couple days after that one!

* * *

 **Rule #4:** For the sake of everyone, if Brittany ever asks if her outfits make her look fat, DO NOT ANSWER!

Brittany is by far the cutest and, by chipmunk standards, sexiest girl in the house. But every so often she'll just ask this question out of the blue, and no matter how you answer it, she gets mad and starts to throw a tantrum! Seriously, don't even try and avoid the question by saying "No comment", that just makes it worse.

*Brittany in her and Alvin's room trying on a new pink dress, twirling around in the mirror while Alvin reads a book (I know! I'm shocked too!)*

Brittany: Alvin, does this dress make me look fat?

Alvin: *still reading* Yeah whatever.

*Brittany's eyes go wide and her tail puffs up like a cat's tail, Alvin then cluing into what she had asked and slamming his book shut*

Alvin: Brittany! I'm sorry about what I said, I wasn't really paying attention-

Brittany: Oh! So I'm not even worth your time now is that it!?

Alvin: What? No of course you are! I just was kinda getting into my book and-

Brittany: So a book is more important to you than your mate!?

Alvin: I didn't say that! I was just caught off guard by your question, you look beautiful in that dress, hot even... in fact you're down right sexy-

Brittany: SO I'M JUST A HOT BODY TO YOU?! IS THAT IT!?

*Alvin sighs in defeat and lowers his head a bit*

Alvin: Just get it over with Britt, I know there's no way out of this-

*Brittany pulls a round house kick to Alvin's head, sending the red clad chipmunk to the floor with a pained squeak*

And that's why Alvin now has a prerecorded message on his phone to answer for him, Brittany seems to take things easier if presented through a device.

* * *

 **Rule #5:** Though a rare sight, if you ever see Alvin reading anything for more than ten minutes, DO NOT DISTURB THE MUNK!

I found this one out the hard way myself, and I still have a hard time wrapping my head around what happened that day...

*Alvin in the kitchen reading one of the Skulduggery Pleasant books, I walk in and sit at the table with my phone*

Me: Hey Alvin, I got a review for that story where you and Brittany had your bodies swapped-

Alvin: Uh huh.

Me: -and they said the part where Brittany kissed you was adorable-

Alvin: Don't care!

*I get a little flustered and look at the book he's standing on (he's a chipmunk, he can't hold the book up himself)*

Me: So... what are you reading-

Alvin: OH MY GOD! IS IT THAT HARD TO GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET?! I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO THE BONE MAN!

Me: *waving hands defensively* Whoa there Alvin, didn't mean to-

Alvin: *growling* Then do me a favor and SHUT THE MUNK UP!

*Alvin then pushed his paw forward, the air ripples around him, and I end up being flung out of the kitchen, through the window and into the front yard*

... I still don't know how Alvin managed to do that. I'll have to speak to Silas later about it.

* * *

 **Rule #6:** If you value your dignity, never and I mean NEVER, pull the "fingers in warm water" prank on Jeanette.

Anyone else is fine, even Simon. They don't like it and will probably get mad at you, but they aren't as vindictive as Jeanette is. Unfortunately, Kris discovered this the hard way.

*late at night in Jeanette's room, Kris carrying a warm bowl of water and giggling to herself as she approached the bed*

Kris: *whispering* this is going to be hilarious!

Jeanette: *snoring softly with her arms crossed loosely across her chest*

*Kris gently takes one of Jeanette's arms and dips her fingers into the warm water, causing Jeanette to stir slightly, then a dark wet spot forms around where Jeanette's pelvis was under the blanket*

Kris: Hehehe, this is going to freak her out in the morning.

*Kris gently removes her sister's hand from the bowl and goes to place it back onto Jeanette's chest, only to freeze when she saw Jeanette's eyes were wide open, and glaring at her*

Jeanette: You... made me wet myself...

Kris: Jean, it's only a joke-

Jeanette: I NEVER wet myself!

Kris: Jeanette! You'll wake up everyone in the house!

*Jeanette grins evilly and then lets loose a scream worthy of a horror movie, immediately bringing Dave to the bedroom door*

Dave: JEANETTE! What happened?

Jeanette: *fake crying* Kris tried to bite me again!

*Kris gasping and throwing her hands up defensively*

Kris: No I didn't! I made her wet the bed- ooohhh, that was a trap... well played Jean.

Dave: *taking a deep breath* KRIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!

Needless to say Kris ended up having to wash Jeanette's nightgown... and her bed sheets... and the blankets, pretty much everything Jeanette had peed on due to Kris's little prank... BY HAND!

* * *

 **Rule #7:** Under no circumstances are Samantha and Claire EVER to be left in the same room together without at least one other person there!

Although Claire has moved on from Dave, she still feels jealous about the woman that took her place. The two get along pretty well, but sometimes things just... happen.

*Claire and Samantha in the living room watching TV, Theodore sitting in a nearby chair with a somewhat nervous expression on his face*

Claire: So, how's you and Dave's relationship so far Sam?

Samantha: *shrugs her shoulders* Fine I guess, I mean it's obviously going better than when you were dating him right?

*Claire's right eye lid twitches, and Theodore yelps and leaps over to the coffee table*

Theodore: Please! Don't get into a fight!

Claire: *glances at Theodore and smiles* Oh we won't Theo, don't worry... *under her breath* ...especially since Dave isn't the first guy to have her.

*Samantha catches the last part and slowly turns to look at Claire*

Samantha: WHAT DID YOU SAY!

*Theodore's eyes bug out and he shivers a bit*

Theodore: Please! Don't fight!

Claire: *ignoring Theodore completely* Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You see Sam what I meant to say was...

*at this point, Claire pulls out a loud speaker*

Claire: *through loud speaker* ...HOW WAS IT WITH THE FIRST MR. RIGHT!? Samantha.

*both Theodore and Samantha are wearing shocked expressions, though Samantha was visibly pissed off*

Theodore: Holy shit Claire.

That day was one of the worst ones, never knew that so much damage could be caused by two women during a cat fight!

* * *

 **Rule #8:** For a similar reason as Rule #4, never insult Brittany with anything that targets how she looks... EVER!

Don't worry, this won't land you with a pissed off chipette clawing your eyes out... rather quite the opposite. Despite her confidence and determination, Brittany's emotional kryptonite is being told she isn't pretty... and that's not anything you want to be responsible for.

*Brittany at Cheer practice with her sisters when Ryan walks by and makes a wolf whistle*

Brittany: Ryan, I'm flattered, but I have a mate already and-

Ryan: That wasn't directed at you ugly, I was-

*Ryan stops upon seeing the look on Brittany's face, her eyes widened to nearly double their size and tears welling in them, her bottom lip trembling a bit*

Brittany: *sobbing* I-I'm not pretty?

Jeanette: Britt, Ryan's just a douche, are you really going to-

Brittany: *drops to her knees and buries her face into her paws and starts to cry her eyes out* I'M NOT PRETTY ANYMORE!

*Everyone glares at Ryan, including his human girlfriend on the squad, causing the jock to sigh and walk over to Brittany*

Ryan: I'm... I'm sorry for-

*Ryan doesn't get to finish before Brittany screams and slashes her tiny claws across his face, angry tears streaming down her cheeks*

Brittany: YOU DAMN WELL BETTER BE SORRY YOU DICK!

Hey, I said it wouldn't make Brittany attack you, never said anything about her lashing out in pure spite. Though to his merit, Ryan actually bought Brittany a box of chocolates as a peace offering... she accepted and forgave him, which surprised Alvin to no end.

* * *

 **Rule #9:** Family Guy is not to be quoted at the dining room table when there are guests.

This one has been covered by one of my friends before but I figured I'd elaborate on it because of one evening that Zack came over to have supper with Kris.

*Everyone at the table waiting for the food to be prepared, when Alvin starts grinning*

Alvin: BRITTANY! WHERE IS MY SUPPER!?

*Brittany and the other chipmunks glance over to Alvin, then like a virus the grin spreads to all five other chipmunks*

Brittany: STILL IN THE OVEN!

Alvin: WILL I HAVE IT SOON?!

Brittany: QUITE SOON!

Alvin: THANK YOU!

Brittany: YOU'RE WELCOME!

*at this point Zack is just watching this with morbid fascination while Kris is rubbing at her temples*

Zack: What is going on here?

Kris: You don't want to know.

Alvin: NYEH!

Brittany: NYEH!

Alvin: NYEH!

Brittany: NYEH!

Simon: NYEH!

Jeanette: NYEH!

Eleanor: NYEH!

Theodore: NYEH!

*Zack looks visibly shaken from what he just witnessed while Kris is just squeezing her eyes shut as if to try and shut out the event altogether*

Zack: I'm frightened.

*Kris rolls her eyes and grabs Zack's arm, tugging him towards the door*

Kris: Let's go. Perhaps we can have a peaceful meal at your mother's house.

Zack hasn't been the same since that day, he still jumps when someone says "NYEH!" near him.

* * *

 **Rule #10:** If Alvin and Brittany are in their room for more than three hours during the day, DO NOT OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!

Ever since the "Theodore Incident" we've been pretty keen on determining whether or not Alvin and Brittany are mating at that moment. Miles learned the hard way once when he forgot his smart phone in their room.

*Miles walking up to Alvin and Brittany's bedroom and walks into the room, immediately hearing a rustling from the bed and finding Alvin and Brittany hiding themselves under the blankets*

Miles: Oh God, I'm so sorry Alvin! I just forgot my phone in here and-

Alvin: *growling* GET THE MUNK OUT OF HERE!

*Brittany glances to Alvin, then Miles, then back to Alvin and grins*

Brittany: We could always let him watch-

Miles: AWW HELL NO!

*Miles grabs his phone and leaps out of the room like he was trying to escape an explosion*

We also learned that day that Brittany is a bit into voyeurism... she even confessed that during the "Theodore Incident" she actually got excited from spotting him in the door... not sure how to take that.

* * *

 **Rule #11:** If you value your life, do not make Julian or Amani cry when either Nathan or Cleo are nearby.

If you do this, your best chance for survival is to buy a one way ticket to Mexico and hope for the best. James Suggs learned the hard way that Hell hath no fury like that of an angry mother or father... or in his case BOTH!

*Suggs approaching the Seville home and knocking on the door*

Suggs: OPEN THE DOOR CHIPMUNKS! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!

*Unknown to James, Julian was right next to the door when he banged on it, causing the flying fox pup to jump in surprise and then burst into terrified tears, though James heard this and peaked through the cat door*

Suggs: Oh dear, I'm sorry little guy... you look a lot like my old partner Nathan-

*James didn't get to complete his observation, as Nathan swooped out of the cat door and started tearing into his face*

Nathan: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU MADE MY SON CRY!

Suggs: I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT NATE-

*Cleo exits the home too and pulls Nathan off of James's face*

Cleo: NATHAN! What have I told you about mauling people who make our pups cry?

Suggs: Thank you miss, I can't tell you how-

Cleo: Without letting me have a turn!

*James grew pale before Cleo started to tear into him, Nathan tearing into his former partner's clothing and sending shreds of it flying around the yard*

Took us nearly three hours to get them off the man, and that was even with Silas using a sleeping spell on them... apparently the saying "don't go to sleep angry" has more truth than I thought, as they kept on mauling James in their sleep!

* * *

 **Rule #12:** If Simon or Jeanette run out of the basement, FOLLOW THEIR LEAD!

Those two may be the smartest chipmunks I've ever known, but on more than one occasion some of their experiments have nearly killed me! Or blew up the house, set someone on fire, nearly made the entire Earth implode... okay that last one was a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea.

*I walk into the kitchen for a glass of water when I hear a loud explosion from the basement, followed by rapid footfalls, Simon and Jeanette leaping out of the basement and slamming the door shut behind them*

Me: What the Hell is going on?

Simon: *panting* We were trying to make a small nuclear reactor to give us more power for less money.

Jeanette: And *coughs out a puff of black smoke* it kinda had a mini meltdown.

*I immediately grab them both and start running*

Me: DAVE! GET EVERYONE OUT OF THIS HOUSE NOW UNLESS YOU WANT MUTATED CHIPMUNKS LIVING HERE!

Amazingly, none of us got radiation poisoning... though I did feel a tingle when I picked up Jeanette and Simon... maybe they got a hit of radiation and will turn into something like those Fallout style Molerats... ugh that'd be ugly!

* * *

 **Rule #13:** Give a Valentines Day card to Brittany every year... OR SUFFER!

Now the suffering isn't physical... Brittany's not _that_ vindictive, but if you forget to get her either a card, a flower or some candy on the fourteenth of February, you may as well have signed your own death certificate. Brittany's a master at making you feel guilty for however long she feels you deserve it.

*Toby playing some Halo when Brittany walks into the room, sits next to him and sighs. This shockingly gains his attention and he pauses his game*

Toby: Brittany? Is something wrong?

Brittany: *sighs* I didn't get a Valentines Day card from Miles yet... I think he doesn't like me anymore...

*Miles, who's been sitting in the armchair texting Ashley, swiftly turns to Brittany and smiles nervously*

Miles: I... forgot?

*Toby shakes his head before pulling a Halo themed Valentines Day card from his pocket, handing it to Brittany*

Toby: Big mistake on your part man.

*Brittany then smiles up at Toby and hugs his wrist*

Brittany: Thanks Toby, at least _someone_ remembered to give me a card.

*Miles rolls his eyes and then taps away at his phone, Brittany's phone vibrating in her pocket and making her look at the screen, a smile spreading over her face*

Miles: You're welcome.

*Toby glanced at Brittany's phone screen and groans*

Toby: That's cheating! An E-card?

Miles lucked out on that one, me... I kinda forgot to get her a card and I'm making her a box of her favorite chocolates! Which if anyone's wondering, it's anything with peanut butter... speaking of...

* * *

 **Rule #14:** Peanut Butter + Brittany = ONE FUCKED UP CHIPETTE!

I don't know why, but if Brittany eats too much peanut butter, she turns into a hyperactive moron with the attention span of a gold fish! I swear I've seen crack addicts acting more behaved than Brittany after eating half a jar of peanut butter!

*Dave in the kitchen making a sandwich, opening the jar of peanut butter to take some, but being surprised by a pink blur shooting out of the jar*

Brittany: PEANUT BUTTER IS MY LIFE!

Dave: *sighs* Brittany? What have I told you about-

Brittany: I'M A GOOFY GOOBER YEAH!

Dave: Brittany, calm down-

*Brittany leaps up and lands on Dave's shoulder, allowing him to see how much she was trembling and how dilated her pupils were*

Brittany: YOU'RE A GOOFY GOOBER YEAH!

Dave: TIMBERWOLF! GET THE NAP TIME SPRAY!

*Brittany seems to understand this, as she dashes off and runs into the living room*

Brittany: NEVER AGAIN! I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER!

*I manage to cut Brittany off and shoot a cloud of "Nap Time Spray" at her, the speed she was running however causing her to cartwheel into the air and land with a soft thud on the couch right next to Amani, whom quickly grabs Brittany and starts snuggling with her*

Me: Okay Dave, we need to lock up the peanut butter.

Before any of you ask, this is an isolated event... I tested this myself... and let's just say that Alvin now has a fear of peanut butter.

* * *

 **Rule #15:** If you see Kris shivering and scratching at her arm incessantly, RUN AND HIDE!

These are the signs that Kris is about to go into a Blood Frenzy, seeing as she's still new to having the thirst for blood, Kris sometimes succumbs to her instincts of the hunt.

*Nathan, Cleo and their pups flying into their family's room, closing and locking the door just as a thunk is heard*

Kris: OW! FUCK YOU DOOR!

*Kris notices Simon sneaking away behind her and dives in for a kill, only to be caught by me, after which I present her with a super sized cup full of blood from her supply*

Me: Drink this instead Kris, you're less likely to get sick from it.

Simon: *glaring at me* Hey!

Me: Remember the nuclear meltdown in the basement? My Geiger counter is still going nuts!

Yeah, these times can be tricky, but thankfully that time when the frenzy ended Kris wasn't crying her eyes out... I think it's because she got too much blood in her to actually do anything else.

* * *

 **Rule #16:** Marlon Webb vines are banned from this household... PERIOD.

It's not because of the excessive cursing and the use of the "N" word, but rather that Alvin is constantly finding ways to work them into his normal daily routine of being an annoying little... "fart waffle"? Okay who's been messing with my script?

*Me, Toby and Miles playing some Mario Kart on the Wii U, when Alvin walks in with four cups of pudding*

Alvin: Here, have some pudding guys!

Me: Thanks Alvin.

Toby: Right on, time to pudding this bitch up!

*Miles and I give Toby a weird look before Miles takes his cup*

Miles: Uhhh... thanks bro.

*We all open our pudding cups and take a bite, immediately I feel strange, and strt seeing double of Alvin, whom is dancing wile holding a spoonful of pudding*

Alvin: THERE'S SOMETHING IN THIS PUDDING!

I don't know what he put in that stuff, all I know is that when I came out of it, I was in the back yard wearing a tu-tu and talking to Elvis!

* * *

 **Rule #17:** DMX music is tolerated... so long as Theodore is not anywhere nearby.

Like Brittany with peanut butter, If Theodore hears any sort of DMX song, he turns into what I can only call a mini DMX.

*I walk into the house with the mail, stopping when I see Theodore with his hood up and a pair of sunglasses on*

Me: Theodore? You okay-

Theodore: _Y'ALL GON' MAKE ME LOSE MY MIND, UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE!_

Me: *rolls eyes* ALVIN! Did you leave your DMX CD in the stereo again?

Theodore: _Y'ALL GON' MAKE ME GO ALL OUT, UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE!_

 _*_ Alvin looks out into the kitchen and then laughs, leaping up onto the table and beginning to beat box the tune for the song*

Theodore: _Y'ALL GON' MAKE ME ACT A FOOL, UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE!_

Me: ALVIN! You aren't helping!

Alvin: *briefly stopping his beat boxing* Did you really expect me to help?

*Alvin then resumes his beat boxing, Theodore also continuing his performance*

Theodore: _Y'ALL GON' MAKE ME LOSE MY COOL, UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE!_

Me: *left eye lid twitching before I pull out the "Nap Time Spray"* THAT'S IT! NAP TIME!

Okay so I use the Nap Time Spray a little too often, not like there's a rule against it... wait a minute.

* * *

 **Rule #18:** TimberWolf is not allowed to use the "Nap Time Spray" for small things.

Oh what the Hell! I didn't write this rule, who did it?

*Brittany standing on my laptop keyboard and typing away on it*

Brittany: There, see you spray me with that stuff now!

Me: HEY! NO TOUCHING MY COMPUTER!

*I take out the spray and go to shoot Brittany with it, only for her to shake her head*

Brittany: Rule #18 TimberWolf.

Me: *eye twitching, before I spray her anyway* FUCK YOU, THAT'S MY COMPUTER!

*Brittany flops onto the floor, causing me to wince a bit*

Me: Okay, I think I see where this rule is useful.

So I admit I used Nap Time Spray way too excessively, but that still didn't give Brittany the right to be on my computer...

* * *

 **Rule #19:** Like seeing Alvin reading, if ever you see Alvin cry during a movie, DON'T MAKE FUN OF HIM FOR IT!

Alvin may act tough, but he has a soft spot for sad or sentimental scenes in movies, like this example that happened during Alvin and Brittany's movie night, she had picked out James Cameron's "Titanic".

*Alvin and Brittany watching the ending scene of Titanic, where Jack is in the water while Rose floats on the door, when Brittany hears Alvin sobbing softly*

Brittany: Alvin? A-are you crying?

Alvin: *sobbing* He died... he didn't get to give Rose his heart...

*Brittany smiles and pulls Alvin into her arms, patting his back and hushing him*

Brittany: It's okay Alvin, I'm just glad you-

*Toby and Miles then pop up from behind the couch and laugh at Alvin*

Toby: Look at him, what a cry baby!

Miles: Yeah! He's got more tears on his face then an onion chopper!

*Alvin looks around a bit before he simply curls up into a ball, Brittany growling before she lunges at Miles and Toby*

Brittany: YOU INSENSITIVE, HEARTLESS BASTARDS! THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME ALVIN'S EVER OPENED UP TO ME LIKE THIS, AND YOU RUINED IT!

*Brittany then proceeded to start scratching at the two humans, lot injuring them but tearing their clothes to crap before she walked over to Alvin, a piece of Miles's sweater in her hand which she used to gently wipe up Alvin's tears*

Never said he'd be the one to worry about now did I, Brittany is extremely protective of her mate... it's scary sometimes.

* * *

 **Rule #20:** If at first you don't succeed, get Julian.

Seriously, it's amazing what little bat pup is capable of. I've seen him pick the locks on the cupboards for Brittany once.

*Brittany trying to get into the peanut butter cupboard, tugging on the chain around the handles*

Brittany: I WANT MY PEANUT BUTTER!

*Julian flies in and lands next to his aunt*

Julian: You need help Aunt Brittany?

Brittany: *smiling warmly* If you could please.

*Julian then pops his knuckles a bit and pokes a claw into the keyhole, listening carefully until he yanked on the lock and it popped open*

Julian: There you go Aunty!

Brittany: Thanks, you're such a sweet nephew.

*Brittany then opens the cupboard door and hops inside, dragging a large jar of peanut butter back out and taking it with her to the living room*

And that's the lovely story of how Julian unintentionally acted as a provider. He's only a month old and doesn't fully understand that Brittany isn't meant to gorge herself on peanut butter so we let him get away with it for now.

* * *

And there we have it, rules 1 to 20, if you like this then I may have more rules for you guys out there to read, tell me in the comment/review box below which rule was your favorite, and I'll see you guys and girls next time... and since this whole post was essentially a collection of random moments, I'm omitting it for this entire post, don't worry, they aren't dead, just not needed here.


	2. Chapter 2: Rules 21 to 40 (Ft Isiah02)

**Opening Statement:** Good day to you dear readers, and welcome to the next set of rules for this rule book. Now here's the situation, I figured I'd feature a few fellow authors in this post from time to time, and if this update has a guest author then I'll say so in the beginning of the post. For this chapter, I have the dual talents of Isiah02 and his sidekick Tom to help host this.

Isiah: Yo! What up fanfiction! Isiah and Tom here!

Tom: Sup!

TimberWolf: And with introductions out of the way, let's get to the part you guys out there came here for!

 **Disclaimer:** Oh wait a minute... you were expecting something here? Well that's a new policy I'm holding, as unless I add a new guest character from some other author, the main disclaimer will always be located on Chapter 1 of a multi chapter post. So yeah to see me stating that I own nothing to do with AATC, go back a chapter for a moment. And for future reference, any rules that are followed by this "(Isiah02)" are rules written by Isiah himself, and therefore all credit for them goes to him.

* * *

Isiah: So TimberWolf asked me and my bro Tom here to lend a hand.

Tom: And how could we refuse?

*I glance over to Isiah and Tom, then toss each a can of coke*

TimberWolf: Thanks for coming guys, and just a heads up, things are a little crazy in this house-

Tom: Oh we know, we've been to the Seville's before man.

Isiah: Yeah, I mean how much crazier can things be for you?

TimberWolf: You'd be surprised... anyway, this is the next set of rules and we're going from rule 21 to rule 40 for this one. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

 **Rules 21 to 40:**

 **Rule #21:** Crocs (shoes) of any sort are banned from the Seville home.

Isiah: Why all the hate on Crocs TimberWolf?

Tom: Yeah, those are some really comfy house shoes man.

TimberWolf: This is why.

*I then reach down and pull a pair of crocs out from under my couch, slipping them onto my feet and then looking at my watch, all while Tom and Isiah give me confused looks*

TimberWolf: In about 3... 2... 1... now.

*right at "now", Alvin bursts through the door and points dramatically at my footwear*

Alvin: WHAT ARE THOSE!?

Brittany: *popping out of a box on the shelf* WHAT ARE THOSE!?

Nathan: *dropping onto Tom's shoulder* WHAT ARE THOSE!?

*this keeps up until everyone aside from myself, Tom and Isiah are shouting, until I remove the crocs from my feet and shove them back under the couch, at which point all the Seville's, human and animal alike, leave my writing office*

TimberWolf: Now do you guys understand?

*Tom and Isiah are wearing shocked faces, amazed at what had just happened*

Isiah: I think we get it now.

Tom: Yup, I understand completely.

* * *

 **Rule #22:** No Literal Conversations (Isiah02).

Isiah: It gets way too outta hand.

TimberWolf: How so?

Isiah: Just look at this here!

*Tom enters the living room really upset*

Tom: Nathan! Hahaha! You drunk the last of the orange soda! You only left a little sip!

Nathan: Dude. That was not me.

Tom: C'mon, man. I can see right through you!

*Tom literally sees right through Nathan's body*

*Nathan gets too nervous*

Nathan: Okay, you got me.

*I give Tom a questioning look and shake my head*

TimberWolf: Tom, what did you do there?

Tom: *shrugs shoulders* I looked through him.

*Isiah laughs while I simply face-palm*

* * *

 **Rule #23:** No matter how appropriate it is, using a song to answer a question doesn't make it a real answer.

Tom: I can understand this one.

*Isiah and I glance toward Tom with a questioning look*

Isiah: Explain...

TimberWolf: Yeah, how does this make sense to you?

*Tom takes out his phone and opens the music app*

Tom: Well the other day I was hitting up this girl, you know the kind right? Major hotness right.

TimberWolf: Okay then.

*Isiah trying to keep from laughing, as he knows what's going to happen*

Tom: Alright so I ask her for her number and wouldn't you know she actually starts to write it down!

TimberWolf: *raises eyebrow* Go on...

*Isiah, having given up on holding in his laughter, has now fallen off the couch*

TimberWolf: Isiah? You alright man?

*At this point Tom starts his music up*

Tom: Isiah's fine bro, he just landed on his *holds up his phone and plays The Chipmunks cover of "South Side"*

TimberWolf: *face-palm* that was so LAME!

Tom: See, told you I understood this rule.

* * *

 **Rule #24:** Relating to Rule #3, if Tom or Isiah are seen speaking with Silas, RUN!

*Tom and Isiah glaring at me*

Isiah: What the hell bro?

Tom: Yeah, why you gotta be like that man?

*I pull out my BlackBerry Leap and bring up Isiah's post "Shot Blocking"*

TimberWolf: Does this ring any bells? I don't need Silas interfering with everyone's rela-

*I get cut off as a cloud engulfs me, Isiah and Tom leaping away as the cloud clears and shows I have been changed into a flying squirrel with red fur and a black zip-up hoodie*

Silas: *whistling and twirling his cane casually* Howdy gentlemen, awfully fine evening we have here isn't it?

*Isiah and Tom glance to each other, then to me and back*

Isiah: Okay, I see why TimberWolf doesn't want us scheming with Silas.

Tom: Yeah, me too.

Squirrel TimberWolf: SILAS YOU RAT BASTARD!

Silas: *chuckling* Well now I thought I saw a new animal friend, the name's Silas and-

Squirrel TimberWolf: IT'S ME YOU VOODOO TOTING- wait? Did you do this to me?

*Silas shakes his head, causing me to turn to Isiah*

Isiah: Don't look at me man!

*everyone present turns to Tom, who is holding a bag of some sort, which he quickly hides from us*

Tom: What?

Silas: GIVE ME THAT! *snatches the bag from Tom* one hit of that stuff and you'd be changed into a woman!

*Silas then returns me to normal, my arms crossed and fixing Tom with a glare*

* * *

 **Rule #25:** If Brittany wants something, she WILL eventually get it.

*Isiah and Tom look at this rule and then to me*

Tom: Yo, what's this about?

*I look at the paper and then get up, walking to my desk and coming back with Brittany, holding her by the scruff of her neck*

Brittany: YOU NEVER LET ME WRITE ANYTHING!

TimberWolf: Maybe if you asked, I'd let you... actually you know what, next chapter, I'll let you make the rules.

*both Isiah and Tom start waving their hands in a way to warn me that what I said wasn't a good idea*

Isiah: TimberWolf, are you sure that's a great idea?

Tom: Yeah, I mean she did sorta hijack a couple rules from you already.

*I shrug my shoulders and set Brittany on my shoulder*

TimberWolf: You read the rule, she'd get to do it either way if it were next chapter or chapter thirty seven.

*Brittany simply purrs and places a peck to my cheek*

Brittany: YAY!

*Isiah and Tom simply do the "I'm watching you" gesture toward Brittany, as I turn to let her out of my room, Brittany turn's back to Isiah and Tom and flips them both the middle finger*

Tom: Motherlover! I know you did not just flip me the bird!

Isiah: That little-

Brittany: Peace out bitches!

* * *

 **Rule #26:** Don't ever say "Bruh" when someone does or says something stupid (Isiah02).

Isiah: All that agree that this rule had to be repeated several times, raise your hands.

*Tom, TimberWolf, Dave, raise their hands*

Tom: Yup.

TimberWolf: Ditto.

Dave: Agreed.

*Theodore is making chicken by his own recipe*

Eleanor: Theodore, can I try a piece with you?

Theodore: Ellie, I would love to see my meat in your mouth.

Alvin: Bruh! *ends up laughing really hard*

Tom: Dang, man.

Isiah: Yep.

* * *

 **Rule #27:** NEVER challenge Brittany to a casual game of "Magic: The Gathering".

*Tom and Isiah look this one over and then glance to me*

TimberWolf: What? It's the truth!

Tom: You mean to tell me that if I took out my deck and challenged her, I'd be boned?

*distantly we all hear Alvin shouting "BRUH!"*

Isiah: I doubt that, I mean she sings, dances... based on your recent stories, is hella great in bed!

*Alvin walks in and calmly hops onto Isiah's shoulder, then gives him a light slap in the face*

Alvin: A little respect for my mate would be appreciated. But TimberWolf's right, Brittany has owned Toby and Simon at the same time! She has an Eldrazi deck!

*both Tom and Isiah give me and Alvin confused looks, until I roll my eyes and pull out my own Eldrazi deck*

TimberWolf: These ugly ass motherlovers! And her's has creatures that bring out a bunch of Token creatures, so very quickly you can be overwhelmed just by sheer number of Tokens!

Alvin: The kicker here is that Jeanette built the deck for her, and when Jeanette does something, you have no chance of coming out on top.

*Kris randomly drops from the ceiling and lands on the coffee table in front of us*

Kris: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

*everyone gives Kris a look as if to say "really?" and then we go back to our conversation*

TimberWolf: Anyway, the only time I ever seen her loose she-

*an angry scream is heard before Brittany barges into the room, grabbing Alvin and dragging him out with her*

TimberWolf: Lose another game of Magic?

Brittany: THEY CHEATED! I DON'T KNOW HOW, BUT THEY CHEATED!

Tom: So... why are you dragging Alvin around?

*Brittany turns to face Tom, then growls*

Brittany: I gotta get my pent up aggression out of my body somehow, so I'm going to take Alvie here, throw him on our bed and-

Isiah: ALRIGHT, WE GET THE IDEA, JUST GO!

*Alvin gives up a hopeful look and reaches out to grab one of us*

Alvin: Help me!

* * *

 **Rule #28:** Dave + a game of Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine = Mad Rage! (Isiah02)

Tom: Oh my God, this motherlover gets more upset with this game more than he gets upset with Alvin.

Alvin: And I'm one trouble causing fool.

Isiah: Yeah.

*Dave is playing DRMBM for Sega Genesis*

Dave: It's a wrap for you, Arms. Even if I try to lose, I'll still win. Watch!

*Dave quickly drops beans in his pile until it breaks and the Game Over screen appears*

Dave: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!  
Isiah: Worst part that Arms is the very first level. Really sad.

* * *

 **Rule #29:** Isiah and Tom are NOT allowed to use the Nap Time Spray...EVER!

Isiah: Again with targeting us, what's TimberWolf's deal man?

Tom: I know, this is a stupid rule... what's "Nap Time Spray" anyway?

*I walk in with the spray bottle and signal for Isiah to cover his mouth and nose, then I shoot a cloud around Tom's head*

TimberWolf: Tom you smell something?

Tom: *sniffs the air a bit* I smell something swee-

*Tom then flopped onto the couch, out cold*

Isiah: The heck man!

TimberWolf: Tom's fine, this is meant for the chipmunks, he'll be up in a couple seconds.

*as predicted, Tom jumped up and shook his head*

Tom: Anybody get the number of that truck?

* * *

 **Rule #30:** If Eleanor cooks something, you had damn well at least try it before saying "no thanks".

Isiah: Is Ellie a little crazy about her cooking skills?

TimberWolf: No, she's just very eager to get a second opinion.

Tom: What do you mean?

TimberWolf: Well, I taped Ellie cooking one day, and here's what happened.

*I then press "play" on the remote and the video starts up showing Eleanor stirring what looks like a pot of clam chowder*

Eleanor: Brittany! Could you come here for a second?

*Brittany is then seen hopping up next to her sister and looking into the pot, grimacing as she smelled the contents*

Brittany: Oh God, Ellie you know I hate seafood!

Eleanor: I know, but I need a second opinion. TimberWolf seems to like it, but I need to know if I can make someone like you like it-

Brittany: NO! I eat that I'll puke!

*Eleanor visibly trembles and puts on a frustrated smile, before she points over Brittany's shoulder*

Eleanor: Is that a jar of peanut butter I see?

Brittany: Peanut butter! Where?

*Eleanor grins and holds up a spoonful of her chowder*

Eleanor: I'll tell you, only if you try a bit of this chowder.

*Brittany blinks, then face-palms and nods*

Brittany: Ugh, fine, give it too me-

*Brittany's mouth is soon full of clam chowder, instantly making Brittany start gagging a bit, but pulling out her inner ninja Brittany manages to swallow it down, then does a full body shudder*

Brittany: ELEANOR! WHAT THE HELL!?

Eleanor: Did you like it?

*Brittany's eye starts twitching and she screams in frustration, turning and leaping to the counter for her peanut butter*

Isiah: Okay then... that explains why I got a glare from Eleanor when I didn't take a cookie.

*both me and Tom nodding*

Tom: Damn bro! Even I know that rule.

* * *

 **Rule #31:** When mating season rolls on by, WATCH OUT FOR BRITTANY!

*Isiah and Tom give me a strange look and shake their heads*

Tom: Explain this one to us please!

Isiah: Yeah! What happens to Brittany during Mating Season?

*I blush and chuckle a bit*

TimberWolf: You ever have a female cat in heat just snuggle up to you and start trying to "offer" herself to you?

*Isiah and Tom nod slowly*

TimberWolf: Alvin likes to tease Brittany a lot during the mating season, and sometimes she starts looking for... alternative methods to relieve her heat.

*Isiah and Tom cover their mouths and glare at me, to which I throw up my hands defensively*

TimberWolf: Chill out guys! I did the same for her as I did for my cat when she was in heat, I rubbed her back gently while she laid herself on a preheated blanket.

Tom: I was going to say!

Isiah: That's messed up man!

TimberWolf: You think I enjoy it? I have to be careful that I don't literally break Brittany! You know how stressful that is!?

* * *

 **Rule #32:** When Toby is playing a video game, HE TURNS INTO SPIDERMAN!

TimberWolf: Let me explain this one. See most people think that Toby gets sucked into his games, but in truth he's listening at all times, and remembers everything, and is completely aware of his surroundings!

Isiah: Really? I find that hard to believe.

*Tom walks into the living room and holds an air-horn up to Toby's head*

Toby: Do that and I'm Falcon Punching you into next week.

Tom: *shifts his eyes around and then grins* I REGRET NOTHING!

*Tom then blows the air-horn into Toby's ear, Toby spinning around and pulling his arm back*

Toby: FALCON...

Tom: Oh crap-

Toby: ...PUNCH!

*Tom vanishes from the room. A week later he flies into the wall from seemingly nowhere and groans*

Isiah: Tom! Where were you? It's been a week!

Tom: *shakes his head and chuckles* Toby Falcon Punched me into next week... this week... I'm confused.

* * *

 **Rule #33:** If you know something is up, DON'T CONTINUE TOWARDS IT! (Isiah02)

Tom: Poor Isiah learned this the hard way.

*Isiah goes to Miles' house to hang out*

Samantha: *inside the house* Who is it?

Isiah: Isiah02. I'm here to see Miles.

Samantha: *trying to find an excuse* Um, he's not here. He went out.

Isiah: Oh. Okay, I'll come back later.

Samantha: Wait! He won't be long. Why don't you come in and relax yourself?

Isiah: *thinking* Should I do it? Will something mess me up? I don't know. Oh, well. YOLO.

*Isiah goes into the house only to find Samantha with a whip*

Isiah: Okay, what- *Lifts up eyes* WHAT IN SOLARIS' NAME IS THAT?

Samantha: This, my tall friend, is what I call Operation Meltdown. I'm gonna torture your tall butt!

Isiah: Wait, NOOOOO!

*Samantha closes and locks the house door*

Dave: Maybe she has something against tall people.

*Tom and Dave hear moans coming from the house*

Tom: I think she has something against you, Dave.

* * *

 **Intermission Skit:** Shot Blocking Returns. Let your buddies and lovers know. (Isiah02)

*Dave and Claire are in a bedroom making out*

*Samantha comes in with a bucket of laundry*

Samantha: Hey, Claire, I found your period underwear in my laundry.

Dave: What in the hell?!

Claire: Dave, those are not mine!

Dave: Why did I go back to you?! I'm outta here!

*Dave gets up and runs out the room*

Claire: WAIT, DAVE!

Samantha: *laughs her butt off* That's what your get, bitch! That's one for Samantha.

*Samantha throws undies at Claire and dances out the room*

* * *

 **Rule #34:** As a general guideline, and an extension of Rule #2, NEVER let Kris catch you messing with her Blood Supply.

TimberWolf: If this happens, you're better off trying to hide among pure bred vampire bats.

Tom: Really? They bite too you know.

*Isiah bursts into the room, blood splattered on his clothing and face*

Isiah: HIDE ME!

TimberWolf: good luck, with that much blood on you, she'll find you even if you were six feet under.

*Kris then flies into the room and shrieks at Isiah*

Kris: YOU MOTHERLOVING IDIOT! THAT WAS STILL GOOD TO USE!

*Isiah glances to me and Tom, then taking off his shirt and throwing it at us, getting blood on us too*

Isiah: Diversion activated! *runs out of the room*

*Tom and I look to each other and and scream, then run out of the room, followed closely by Kris*

* * *

 **Rule #35:** Jeanette + Catnip = CUTENESS OVERLOAD!

Isiah: How does this even work? She's a chipmunk for crying out loud!

Tom *shrugs shoulders* maybe TimberWolf knows.

*Isiah and Tom turn to ask me, then notice me with a tub of catnip and a grin on my face*

TimberWolf: Watch this. JEANETTE! COME HERE!

*rapid footfalls are heard before Jeanette enters the room, a timid smile on her face*

Jeanette: You wanted to see me TimberWolf?

*I simply take a bit of catnip and toss it onto the floor, Jeanette's eyes widening even as her pupils dilated, then she leaped into the loose bits on the floor and started rolling around*

Jeanette: THIS FWOOR IS SO SOFT! AND FWUFFY!

Tom: Seriously? This is supposed to be cute?

Isiah: *eyes widened and a smile on his face* Awww, that's adorable!

*Jeanette continues to roll about, getting catnip in her fur and hair*

Jeanette: _You are my sweetest love, this love I always want to hug._

*Jeanette then hops up into Tom's lap and smiles the most heart meltingly cute smile ever*

Jeanette: _Because I really love you, the world just has to know._

Tom: *blinks once before a smile spreads across his face* Damn, that is adorable.

*all three of us head a thud, glancing over to find Isiah on the floor with a stupid smile on his face*

TimberWolf: Is he okay?

Tom: *scratching behind Jeanette's ear gently* He's fine, he's just gone cute-atonic.

* * *

 **Rule #36:** If you feel sad about anything, spend time with Amani.

TimberWolf: Trust me, it helps.

Isiah: Is that pup that good?

TimberWolf: No, she's just so adorable that you forget why you're sad to start with.

*Tom runs in with Amani on his head*

Tom: WE'RE RUNNING WILD!

Amani: WEEEEEEE!

TimberWolf: You had better hope that pup doesn't start crying Tom.

Tom: *panting* why do you think I'm still running!?

*me and Isiah look to the door, Nathan watching closely from the doorway*

* * *

 **Rule #37:** If you even lay a fingertip on Dave's classic car or Isiah02's lowrider, expect being on the ground five seconds after. (Isiah02)

Dave: My car actually has a warning although Isiah's doesn't.

*Alvin goes in front of Dave's car*

*a toy clown appears behind him chuckling*

Alvin: Uh, hi.

*Alvin goes to the front door*

Toy clown:*warning* Don't you touch it.

Alvin: Man, please. *Jumps on car door*

*Toy clown jump scares Alvin so hard it falls off the car and on the ground*

Dave: Should've listen Alvin.

Tom: Nobody even seen what happens if you touch Isiah's car.

Simon: Ah, yeah. Poor Brittany had to learn that the extremely hard way.

*Brittany see Isiah02's lowrider in the garage*

Brittany: Ugh, these cars have so got to go. Allow me to get started.

*Brittany kicks the tire*

Brittany: That's should get started.

*Brittany opens garage door to see Isiah charging at her from the living room*

Isiah: You done munked up.

Brittany: *gasp*

Isiah: *jumps on Brittany* OHH, YOU KICKED MY CAR!

Tom: Yeah, she learnt her lesson real well from that. I bet she won't kick his car no more.

Toby: *in Isiah's car* Yo, guys, I'm going to get dinner!

Isiah:*jumps from backseat* GET OUT MY CAR!

*impact scares Toby so hard, he flies out of the car*

Dave: *sighs*

* * *

 **Rule #38:** When someone says something that is a lie, sing the "Why You Always Lying" song that's on YouTube. (Isiah02)

Isiah: I'm saying though, you guys know I can't stand people who lie to me. Even if it's about themselves.

*Dave flirting with Samantha*

Dave: I have no kids.

Isiah/Tom: *singing* Why the fuck you lying? Why you always lying?

Dave: The Chipmunks don't count.

Isiah/Tom:*singing* Hmmm, oh my God. Stop fucking lying.

Samantha: Yeah, not interested. *Samantha leaves Dave*

Dave: ISIAAAAAAAAH AND TOOOOOOOM!

Isiah: You should know I don't like liars.

* * *

 **Rule #39:** Never piss off Jeanette... PERIOD!

Tom: Wasn't this a rule already?

TimberWolf: No, that was to refrain from making her wet the bed with warm water, this is different.

Isiah: How so?

*sighs and calls Jeanette into the room again*

Jeanette: Please don't catnip me again-

TimberWolf: Pluto is a planet.

*Jeanette's eyes snap wide and she starts growling... then _this_ happens*

Jeanette: Was zum Teufel soll das heißen! jeder weiß, dass Pluto nicht ein verdammter Planet ist!

Tom: *shakes his head* did that little girl just go and diss us in German?

Isiah: *holding out his phone* Can you get her to do that again?

TimberWolf: NO! It goes in stages, first she speaks in German, then she tries to call the President to tell him that the education system is flawed!

*Jeanette already taking out her phone before she runs off*

* * *

 **Rule #40:** When Zack and Kris are snuggling on the couch together, DO NOT DISTURB!

TimberWolf: I've seen killer bees with less anger than Kris when her and Zack's snuggles are inturrupted.

Isiah: Is it that bad?

TimberWolf: Why not wait until after Tom's done fucked himself up again?

*Isiah and I watch Tom sneaking up behind Zack and Kris with another air-horn, positioning it as close as possible, then hitting the button*

Zack: GAAAAHHHH! *now clinging to the ceiling*

Kris: *growling as her eyes shift to red* Tom, you get exactly five seconds to get your motherloving butt out of the room before I decide to find out what human blood tastes like!

*Tom drops the air-horn then pressed his hand to his chest with two fingers extended, fading out slightly then just going back to normal*

Tom: SHIT!

* * *

And that is it my friends, again a special thanks to Isiah02 and Tom for lending a hand, and Isiah if you're reading I hope you enjoyed. As for everyone else again leave your comments/reviews in the box below, and tell me which of these new rules you liked best, and stay tuned for more rules.

Isiah: And until then, holla at ya boys Isiah and Tom!

Tom: Peace out mother lovers!


	3. Chapter 3: Brittany's Rules (41 to 60)

**Opening Statement:** Hey everyone, Brittany here and this time TimberWolf gave me full control over his computer! It's awesome! Anyway, if you didn't catch in the last chapter, TimberWolf said that I could do the entire set of rules for this chapter, and that means going from rules 41 to 60... wow, when it's put like that it makes it seem like a big thing... but I asked for this and I'm going to do it! (mini A/N: this is a POV from Brittany's view, so where you see "Me" it's actually Brittany... just to clear things up)

 **Disclaimer:** Uhh hello! Go to chapter 1 for that, it's not here anymore.

* * *

So as you may remember, I've had a couple instances where I actually added in rules without TimberWolf's permission, but seeing as I'm his favorite Chipette, he gave me full reign on what to add for this next set of twenty rules. And trust me, most are really badly needed... kind of, anyway let's get started!

 **Rules 41 to 60:**

 **Rule #41:** When looking after Julian and Amani, make sure that any Jell-O is out of their reach.

I don't honestly know what's with those two pups and artificially flavored fruit jelly, but whenever they find any they go NUTS! I've seen a video of when I get hopped up on peanut butter and I can honestly say that I got nothing on Julian and Amani after eating Jell-O.

*I walk into the kitchen while browsing my Facebook on my phone, when a green blob of jelly lands on my head*

Me: *twitching slightly* Julian! Amani! Which one of you two did it?

*both flying fox pups are giggling and trembling on the kitchen table, both with a Jell-O cup in their hands, Julian with blue and Amani with green*

Amani: I DID IT, SORRY AUNT BRITTANY!

Me: Whoa there sweety, I think you need to put down the cup-

*I don't get to finish, as I soon had a solid blue mass of jelly splattered onto me, the weight knocking me to the floor with a soft thud*

Julian: OOPS, SORRY AUNTY I DROPPED MY JELLO ARE YOU OKAY!

*I groan and try to get up, only to slip and fall onto my butt into another glob of jelly*

Me: *sighing, then licking Jell-O off of my right paw* I'm fine, just need to clean up is all.

Yeah... I'm one of the few talking animals in Dave's house that still uses their tongue to clean up small messes... don't think to deeply into that, point is Julian and Amani aren't allowed to have Jell-O! Though on the topic of cleaning up with my tongue...

* * *

 **Rule #42:** In regards to tongue bathing, do it in PRIVATE!

I cannot stress this enough, but if you feel the need to groom yourself the old fashioned way, do it behind closed doors... it's a little embarrassing if you get caught.

*Miles walking into the house while everyone is at school, though freezes when he finds me on the living room couch in just my fur and dragging my tongue along my right leg*

Miles: What the...

*I snap my eyes open and I glance at Miles, momentarily frozen mid-lick before I yelp and cover myself in a blanket, a deep red blush on my face*

Me: MILES! WHAT THE HELL?!

Miles: I came here to drop off something... what are you doing here?

Me: I wasn't feeling well and Dave let me stay home. Don't you know how to knock?!

Miles: Don't you know how to take a bath in the BATHROOM?!

*I go to say something, then think it over and sigh*

Me: You got a good point there Miles.

Miles: Don't worry, I won't tell.

Miles did keep up on his word... and before anyone asks, NO I do not do that to "satisfy" myself! I leave my satisfaction up to Alvin. Though I won't lie and say that the thought hasn't crossed my mind before, just that I'm not interested in that... just no.

* * *

 **Rule #43:** No more storing stuff in the back of the fridge!

This rule is being made due to an incident that happened, I didn't personally see it happen, but I saw the end results and smelled the effects... ugh!

*Nathan and Dave cleaning out the fridge when a jar with some white substance is found right in the back*

Dave: Is that Theodore's coconut milk?

Nathan: *shrugs shoulders* Let's open it and find out.

*Dave reaches in and grabs the jar, twisting the cap off and seeing what _looks_ like good coconut milk inside, though when he went to sniff it, Nathan shrieked and launched himself onto the kitchen table holding his nose*

Nathan: DAVE! CLOSE THE JAR!

Dave: Why? It's still goo- OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT SMELL!?

*Dave looks over to Nathan, whom is now coughing and gagging, as Dave goes to cough and, due to the condensation formed on the jar, drops it, the glass shattering and the rotten coconut milk splattering across the floor, releasing an almost visible smog of foul smelling gasses that soon spreads through the entire house*

Nathan: IT BURNS MY EYES!

Dave: I think I'm gonna be sick!

*hours later, I arrive home from a bit of shopping to find people in hazmat suits speaking with Dave in the yard*

Me: What happened? Did Simon and Jeanette blow up the basement again?

Dave: No, just don't blame anyone when you go inside.

*A little confused, I go inside the house, then immediately leap back outside and glare at Dave*

Me: THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL!?

Dave: You don't want to know.

Needless to say that was the first time I actually slept in a tree since Australia... had to bitch slap a feral chipmunk away from my branch but I managed... which reminds me.

* * *

 **Rule #44:** Simon, Jeanette, no more trying to teach FERALS how to TALK!

I haven't told Alvin about this so he wouldn't try to kill his brother and my sister, but this one time Simon and Jeanette wanted to see if our ability to talk like we do could be learned... let's just say one of their "students" wanted some "extracurricular activities" which involved yours truly.

*I'm in the bathroom just getting out of a bath, drying off my fur when I hear someone jump up onto the counter with me*

Me: Alvin, can you hand me a towel please?

*I then feel a distinctly chipmunk nose pressed against my rear and start sniffing, causing me to giggle and purr*

Me: Alvie, if you want the tail, give me a tow-

*I turned around to find one of the feral chipmunks Simon had brought in, and although he couldn't speak like I could... he could communicate*

Feral: *chitters a bit*

Me: NO! I already have a mate! And you are not it!

Feral: *tilts head and squeaks*

Me: *rolls eyes* I know you're a male, and I'm a female, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give myself to you!

Feral: *growls and extends claws*

Me: Really? You think that's gonna scare me?

*the feral twitches an ear and lunges for me, to which I simply step to the right, landing him face first into the wall and knocking himself out*

Me: You primitive nitwit.

Not the first time I fought off ferals, let's just say that in Australia I made it a sport to see just how many males I could fight off... one year I got up to sixty nine.

* * *

 **Rule #45:** This is for the guys, when our "time of the month" hits, DO NOT PISS US OFF!

I say "US" in reference to the fact that there are at least five of us females in this house that go through that, Cleo isn't as bad seeing as she has Julian and Amani to take care of, and Kris hasn't had much issues with it herself, but myself, Jeanette and Eleanor are pretty bitchy during our time of the month.

*Simon and Jeanette in the basement working on something*

Simon: Jean, think you can hand me the screwdriver?

Jeanette: *slightly trembling* I don't know, think you could ask nicely!?

*Simon glances over and smiles*

Simon: Would you kindly-

Jeanette: *growling* DON'T "WOULD YOU KINDLY" ME YOU BLUE WEARING, FOUR EYED KNOW IT ALL!  
*Simon's eyes go wide and he sighs*

Simon: You're on your period aren't you.

Jeanette: Yeah! And I'm sorry for screaming at you earlier, it's just-

Simon: I know, you and your sisters get a bit aggressive, I understand-

*Jeanette kicks Simon onto the floor and glares at him*

Jeanette: LET ME FINISH TALKING YOU MORON!

Yeah... you don't want to know what I do to Alvin when my time hits. Let's just say that there's a lot of... cussing. As for Eleanor... let's just say that Theodore wished he was dating the Jungle Monster.

* * *

 **Rule #46:** No matter what, unless you're Brittany, DON'T WEAR ALVIN'S SHIRTS!

He's a bit mental when it comes to who gets to wear his shirts. He lets me because I'm his mate and he thinks I look sexy in his shirt, but if anyone else even tries his shirts on... well look here and see for yourself.

*Alvin and I walk out of our bedroom, I'm currently in one of Alvin's red hoodies, while he's still in his red sleeping shirt*

Alvin: Have I told you lately that you're smoking hot in my shirt Britt?

Me: *giggles* yes, three times actually- is that Zack in your shirt Alvie?

*Alvin then glances at the table and sure enough Zack is sitting there wearing one of Alvin's red sweaters, causing Alvin's right eyelid to twitch a little*

Zack: *notices me and Alvin* Good morning, hope you don't mind but Kris got some blood on my t-shirt and I-

Alvin: TAKE OFF MY SHIRT NOW YOU SQUIRRELY BUGGER!

*Alvin leaps at Zack and knocks him onto the floor, somehow managing to grab and yank his sweater off Zack's body before it fell*

Yeah... and that's how Alvin and Zack became best friends... no kidding right after Zack started laughing his tail off, and it spread like a virus.

* * *

 **Rule #47:** Eleanor + Cold Medicine = DRUNK AS CRAP!

Okay so me and my sisters all have our vices, the things that just make us go a little crazy. I have a partial addiction to peanut butter, not too proud to admit it, Jeanette can't smell catnip without rolling around in it and becoming a cuteness death bomb, and Eleanor can't take cold medicine without getting drunk... not kidding take a look here at this time from when we were all sick with a cold.

*Myself, Jeanette and Eleanor are huddled on the couch together under a blanket, Cleo taking our temperature*

Cleo: Okay, you three need to rest, DAVE! BRING IN THE NYQUIL!

*Dave soon arrives with the child strength NyQuil (we're chipmunks, the normal stuff would probably kill us!), pouring some of the red liquid into the cup and handing it to Cleo, whom then let us all sip at it in turns*

Me: Thanks *cough* for helping us Cleo

Jeanette: *already starting to doze off* We really appreciate this.

Eleanor: Can I get some more of that? I didn't get nothing from it.

*Cleo gives Eleanor another sip and immediately Eleanor starts to giggle in a drunken manner*

Eleanor: *slurring words* I think I had a bit too much... I feel funny...

Jeanette: *coughs lightly* That's the medicine doing it's job... *starts snoring softly*

Me: Yeah, go to sleep Ellie- ACHOO!

*I wipe my nose with a tissue and lay back to take a nap*

I wasn't awake after that point, so I didn't really witness the entire event... long story short, Eleanor soon started to try and do gymnastics and ended up having to get stitches at the vet.

* * *

 **Rule #48:** When performing on stage, Kris need a full stomach.

See, myself and my two sisters, the boys and even Kris and Nathan are prone to start singing at random... though Kris is worse for it. Why do I say "worse"? Well lets just say that since her vampire bat traits kicked in, she's been a bit aggressive, and it's really bad if she forgets to eat something before hand... worse if she forgets to drink her daily gram of blood.

*Jeanette, Eleanor and I are on stage, performing Ke$ha's title "Die Young"*

Me: _I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums!_

Jeanette: _Oh, what a shame that you came here with someone!_

Eleanor: _So while you're here in my arms,_

Me/Jeanette/Eleanor: _Let's make the most of the night! Like we're gonna die young!_

*Kris suddenly drops from above and knocks me away from the spotlight, a grin on her face before she turns to the crowd and adds her own spin to the song*

Kris: _Tonight I'm a break it down, down._

 _They stop when they hear my sound, sound._

 _We so high off the ground, ground,_

 _I'm pumpin' speakers mad loud._

 _Drop down when the bass go boom, boom,_

 _Faster, make a car go zoom, zoom,_

 _I'm a star right by the moon, moon,_

 _It's about me, not, not about you._

 _Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious,_

 _When I'm on the mic yes, yes I'm ferocious,_

 _Yes, I'm a monster, no you can't focus,_

 _I'm a be everywhere on your kid's posters,_

 _When I'm on the mic I ain't gotta think twice,_

 _I'm a cool cat, you're a itty bitty mice,_

 _Little bit of diva, little bit of nice,_

 _Little bit of ne-nerd, little bit of spice!_

 _*_ After that performance, Kris literally drops the mic and flies off the stage, meanwhile my sisters are holding me by my arms to prevent me from starting a public cat fight with Kris*

I am still a bit pissed at that move Kris pulled... though to be honest it fit right into the mood of the song... just that I hate having my spotlight stolen while on stage!

* * *

 **Rule #49:** If you value anything, NEVER pull on Brittany's tail.

This rule has an obvious exception, but outside of _that_ it's off limits... ugh, do I have to explain this one? Fine, see while my tail isn't anymore sensitive than the rest of us chipmunks, I react a bit more violently to it if I'm not expecting it to happen... or if I don't want it to happen.

*I'm watching a movie with Alvin late at night, we're snuggled together while I rest my head on his shoulder*

Alvin: *turns to look at me* Brittany? Have I ever told you how your eyes sparkle like sapphires in this light?

Me: *blushes* You just did now, does that count?

*Alvin grins at my response and places his left hand on my back, rubbing slowly down toward my rear and making me shiver*

Me: Alvin! Don't do that here! Dave's right over there!

Alvin: Yeah? And your point is?

*I then feel Alvin's hand close around my tail, and then he sharply tugs on it, causing me to yelp, jump up and punch him in the nose*

Alvin: *groaning a bit* BRITT! WHAT THE HELL!?

Me: *covering my mouth* Alvie, I'm so sorry, are you okay?

*Alvin then shoots me a glare and removes his hands from his nose, which is slightly swollen and bleeding a bit*

Alvin: What do you think?

Me: *bites my lip and then pulls out my handkerchief, gently patting at his nose while I try not to laugh* Sorry Alvin, but I did warn you.

Alvin: DOESN'T MAKE IT HURT LESS!

I didn't get mad at him for shouting at me, but come to think of it I should have been pissed for him tugging my tail... oh well, cest la vie... for those who don't know, that's French for "that's life", and now you can't say you didn't learn something. On the topic of French.

* * *

 **Rule #50:** If Jeanette, Eleanor or Brittany start spouting a different national language, then they are speaking covertly.

See this was kinda touched on in the last chapter, where TimberWolf was telling Isiah and Tom what happens if you make Jeanette really mad, but this is different. Where Jeanette speaks German when angry, all three of us chipettes are fluent in about three other languages, those are German, Spanish, French... what? You try living in Australia's forests and try to find a way to occupy yourself!

*Myself, Jeanette and Eleanor at the kitchen table with the rest of our family, when we start conversing in French*

Me: Jeanette, pense que vous pouvez me aider plus tard avec devoirs?

*Alvin gives me a confused look, then quickly returns to his food before Jeanette replies to my question*

Jeanette: Bien sur, tout ne me fais pas faire tout le travail cette fois, d'accord.

*This time Simon reacts, though he chuckles to himself rather than say anything, though Eleanor pipes into the conversation*

Eleanor: Qui est probablement se que Brittany espérait, car elle est un peu lente en maths.

Alvin: Okay, what are you three saying? I only caught one thing in all that and that was something about math.

Me: *giggles* Nothing to concern yourself with Alvie, we're just discussing something personal.

Simon: In French, so that you can't understand it Alvin.

*Alvin huffs and stands up*

Alvin: I can speak French too, watch *clears throat* voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

*Myself, Jeanette and Eleanor all start laughing while Simon face-palms, Alvin growing confused*

Alvin: What? What did I say?

Me: *laughing* You just asked if I wanted to sleep with you!

Alvin: *chuckles and grins* Well, do you Britt?

I have to say, when Alvin said that I just couldn't help but laugh. To be fair he did say it correctly, but I think that's because he memorized all of the words to "Moulin Rouge". I haven't done it to him lately but something I know turns him on before we mate is if I speak Spanish before the event... what can I say, _soy una señora atractiva caliente_. And if you're wondering, I was just asking Jeanette to help me with my homework... I suck at math.

* * *

 **Rule #51:** If you wish to stay alive, NEVER pull the "shaving cream face tickle" prank on Dave.

Like Jeanette with the whole warm water and bed wetting thing, if you pull that prank where you fill a sleeping person's hand with shaving cream and then tickle their face to make them try and wipe tickler away, then you'd do best to run very fast. How do I know this... well...

*late at night, Dave is asleep in his bed, when I silently enter his room with a can of shaving cream*

Me: He'll totally think this was Alvin.

Dave: *Snoring in his bed, one arm hanging down a bit to allow me to fill it with shaving cream*

*I then set the can down and climb up to the head of Dave's bed, walking gently toward his face and giggling softly as I get closer*

Me: This is going to be funny as-

*before I even get close enough to tickle Dave's face, his shaving cream filled hand reaches up and lands on top of me, completely covering my body in white foam, even as I hear Dave sigh to himself*

Dave: I thought Alvin was the only prankster in this house... Brittany go clean up and get to bed.

*I meekly nod and walk off, trailing shaving cream behind me*

Yeah, apparently Alvin pulled this trick before I did, and Dave's learned to anticipate it. I deserved what happened but I gotta ask, you know how hard it is to get shaving cream out of your fur? It sucks!

* * *

 **Rule #52:** Alvin is not allowed to make any rules.

This is just a precaution, because any rules I think he'd come up with would be ridiculas, I love Alvin with all my heart, but he's also the one who got us trapped on a desert island and crashed an audition at American Idol!

*Jeanette, myself and Eleanor at the judges desk on the set of American Idol when Alvin comes in wearing a pair of those glasses with a fake nose and mustache attached, causing me to growl a bit*

Me: ALVIN! What are you doing here?!

Alvin: *fake Brittish accent* I don't know this person you speak of, my name is Allen, and I'm here to-

Me: Cut the crap Alvin, I know it's you... but since I know I won't get you off this set without letting you audition, then go on, what are you going to perform for us today _Allen_?

Jeanette: Britt, we're on live television, you sure this is a good time to-

Eleanor: SHUSH! I want to see where this goes.

*Alvin smiles and takes a breath*

Alvin: I'll be singing "Let It Go" by Idina Menzel.

Me: Say what?

Alvin: _*_ purposefully off key* LET IT GO! LET IT GO! CAN'T HOLD IT BACK ANYMORE-

Me: GET THE FUCK OUT!

Alvin: Okay *takes off glasses* It was me the whole time.

*I just face-palm and groan while my sisters are doing a bad job of keeping in their giggles at what just happened*

Yeah, and that episode actually aired... it's the first time I've ever heard myself get censored and let me tell you, it kinda killed me to hear my words cut off like that.

* * *

 **Rule #53:** Unfortunately, twerking is not allowed in this house.

I hate this rule... I got the butt for it, why can't I do it? Well the reason is simple... Alvin started doing it too. And he had to go and ruin it for everyone... I don't even want to speak about it but just look here...

*Simon enters Jeanette's room to find her twerking, which oddly enough Simon likes to see*

Simon: Nice moves there Jean *Walks up and grabs her tail* mind if I join in-

*Simon doesn't get to finish, as "Jeanette" spins around and slaps his face, and in turn reveals herself to actually be Alvin in Jeanette's clothing, and leaving Simon stunned*

Alvin: *best girl voice* Suffer pervert!

*Alvin then turns and throws his nose into the air, walking off in an overly exaggerated feminine way, leaving Simon to ponder what had just happened*

Simon: ...THE FUCK!

And that's Alvin for you, willing to do anything for a prank... though I got to admit, purple looks surprisingly good on Alvin, might have to consider buying him a wardrobe of purple clothes...

* * *

 **Rule #54:** No taking things _too_ literally.

I-I don't even...

*Dave pouring himself a bowl of Life cereal and goes to pour in the milk, but it misses and gets on the table*

Dave: FUCK MY LIFE!

*Toby runs in from the living room, grabs the box of cereal and thrusts it against his crotch repeatedly, throwing cereal everywhere before he puts the box down*

Toby: You're welcome.

As I said... I don't even...just what!

* * *

 **Rule #55:** Eleanor can't curse... at all.

It's not a rule so much as a statement, I mean just watch this.

*I then hop down from the writing desk and open the office door*

Me: Eleanor! I heard someone calling you fat the other day!

Eleanor: *distantly* AWW HECK NO, THEY BETTER SHUT THE FRONT DOOR BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A SHITAKE MUSHROOM I WILL WHUP THEIR GLASS!

*I giggle and close the door, hopping back up to the desk*

See, that wasn't forced that's just how Ellie curses, the closest I've heard her get to an actual curse was then she shouted "ship" after stubbing her toe.

* * *

 **Rule #56:** When Cleo is mad, RUN!

I'm not kidding, If ever Cleo get's frustrated to the point of full on anger, you had better not be within her line of sight. You won't be hurt, but...

*I'm sitting in the living room watching some fashion TV, when the channel changes to National Geographic, causing me to glance over and press the button to recall it to the previous channel*

Me: Cleo, I'm watching that.

*Cleo turns it back to the other channel*

Cleo: I hate fashion shows.

Me: *switching the channel back, my tail puffing up slightly* and I hate National Geographic! If I wanted to learn something I'd go to the-

*I end up with the widest spread bitch-slap as Cleo pulled and whacked me with an extended wing, knocking me to the back of the couch and stunning me enough to shut up*

Cleo: And I hate people who bitch about stuff, now shut up and learn your ass something new!

Yup, and I did learn something, Cleo is not an outwardly angry person, she's sneaky about her anger. That's why if you suspect her being mad, you run, because you may be too late to react.

* * *

 **Rule #57:** Harlem Shake is banned... PERIOD!

Alvin is always-

*I hear Alvin enter the room and tap his phone screen, the telltale music of the forbidden song starting to play*

Me: ALVIN! Don't you start with that shit!

*Alvin has started bobbing his head a bit to the beat, even as I start to growl at him*

Me: Seriously, don't do that here-

Alvin: DO THE HARLEM SHAKE!

*suddenly, my sisters, Alvin's brothers, Kris, Nathan, Cleo, Julian, Amani, Zack and Silas, along with our human friends, have entered the room and started flailing their arms around randomly, all this just pushing me past my limit, and making me scream. After a few moments of hostile negotiations, I manage to get everyone out and fix my hair back to being presentable*

Fuck! I swear Alvin is trying to give me an aneurysm, again I love him but sometimes I wonder why...

* * *

 **Rule #58:** Relating to Rule #42, if you must greet each other by smell, keep it discreet.

This time it's not Alvin who I'm targeting, Simon may be loyal to Jeanette, but I swear sometimes when he decides to do a sniff greeting, he goes a little too far...

*I'm at my locker in High School when I notice Simon walking by*

Me: Hey Simon, how's it going today?

*Simon doesn't respond, he simply approaches me and starts sniffing at my hair*

Simon: Brittany, you using a new shampoo?

*I think on it and grin to myself*

Me: Yeah, it's called "Alvin"

*Simon pauses for a moment and then leaps away from me*

Simon: That's disgusting!

Me: So is the fact that you still fall for that!

Okay, so I take it too far as well sometimes, but Simon had it coming... and truth be told, I did use Alvin's shampoo that day... I ran out of my strawberry and had to go with his Old Spice.

* * *

 **Rule #59:** When Amani asks you something, prepare for the "Why Game"

You know how this works, for every answer you give the pup, she asks "why", mostly to see just how long you'll go along with it.

*I'm in my room brushing my hair when I hear Amani fly in and land next to me*

Amani: What are you doing Aunt Brittany?

Me: I'm brushing my hair sweety,

Amani: Why?

*I inwardly groan at that word, but otherwise keep smiling*

Me: Because your Uncle Alvin loves it when my hair is nise and soft.

Amani: Why?

Me: Because he... loves me?

*Amani is now wearing a smile, knowing full well that she's just playing a game*

Amani: Why?

Me: Because if he didn't then I'd be very upset with him.

Amani: Why-

Me: I'm not answering anymore questions, I do that enough when I'm being interviewed on TV.

I know, she's only playing, but after a while it gets annoying, and me being annoyed leads to me being angry, and I don't want to get angry at Nathan's pups.

* * *

 **Rule #60:** TimberWolf is allowed to say "no" to Brittany sometimes.

I say this because these rules are hard to think up, I figured I had a ton of them, but I had diddly squat! Maybe I should have had Jeanette help me with this...

*TimberWolf then walks in and sits on the office couch next to me*

TimberWolf: So Brittany, how was it writting the whole third chapter?

Me: Ugh, how do you do it! I was better off adding them in as you were writing the post!

*TimberWolf chuckles and gently lifts me up into his hand*

TimberWolf: well, you gotta have inspiration, and mine comes from my own family... not this one but my real one.

Me: That's really sweet and all, but I still got a chapter to finish up and-

TimberWolf: No, I understand, go ahead and finish up, just checking in is all... by the way, Alvin's been looking for you, he said he had something to ask you but I don't know what it is.

Really? Alvin's looking for me? He was in here before and... oh nevermind, thanks for reading people, and yes this is still Brittany here, didn't switch out or anything... so bye!

* * *

So how did I do with my first writing attempt? Please be nice in the comments, I can't take too much criticisms. Anyway hope you all enjoyed my rules for the house, and TimberWolf will be seeing you next ti-

Alvin: WAIT!

*I spin around and see Alvin running into the room and hopping up onto the couch next to me*

Me: What do you need Alvin? TimberWolf said you were looking for me-

*Alvin hushes me with a finger before he smiles and sighs*

Alvin: we've known each other for years Britt, both as friends, lovers, and even mates. But I have to say something, and I want the readers to hear it too,

Me: *blinks and nods* okay...

*Alvin then takes a breath and chuckles nervously*

Alvin: Britt, you are the rock of my foundation, my reason to greet each day with a smile, and my reason to live. And I was just wondering...

*At this point Alvin gets down on one knee, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a chipmunk sized velvet box, my hands soon finding themselves covering my mouth as my eyes go wide*

Me: Alvin-

Alvin: Brittany, will you do me the honor of giving me your hand in marriage?

*I simply go silent, unable to respond, so I simply smile and start nodding my head*

Me: Yes, yes a thousand times yes!

*Alvin smiles at me and then opens the box, a gold band set with a diamond, on either side a different, slightly smaller gemstone, on the left a ruby, and on the right a pink diamond, Alvin taking the ring out of the box and slipping it onto my ring finger, sealing the deal and officially raising him from my mate to my fiance*

Me: *Teary eyed* Th-thank you Alvin... I love you so much.

Alvin: *stands up and places a kiss to my forehead* I know, and I love you even more than words can describe. So I figured I'd let the ring speak for me.

*I simply smile and pull him into a kiss, kicking my right leg back and wrapping my arms around his neck*

Me: Hmm... Mrs. Brittany Seville... I like that name.

* * *

Okay, so that just happened... my heart is still racing, and I can barely think but anyway TimberWolf will see you all in the next update, and I hope to see you ad mine and Alvin's future wedding, you're all invited! Good bye everyone!


	4. Chapter 4: Rules 61 to 80 (Bluewolfbat)

**Opening Statement:** Hello everyone, more rules coming at ya! And this time I have some pretty good ones. Before we get to that though, how was that wedding? I personally loved when Alvin and Brittany got Redfoo to perform "Juicy Wiggle" for their first wedding dance. Anyways as always I'm featuring a guest author, and today it's the talented Bluewolfbat joining me!

Bluewolfbat: Hey everyone! Glad to be here.

*Charlie flies in and lands on Bluewolfbat's shoulder, waving a wing and smiling*

Charlie: Hi!

TimberWolf: Well hello Charlie, I have to say this is the first time I've met you personally, but since we're bringing bats into this...

*I then go to my office door and peek out*

TimberWolf: NATHAN! GET IN HERE! CHARLIE'S HERE!

*Nathan flies into the room and tackles Charlie off of Bluewolfbat's shoulder, the two bats sharing a brotherly hug*

Nathan: Dang man, you need to tell me when you come to visit!

TimberWolf: Anyways, with introductions out of the way, let's lay down the law!

 **Disclaimer:** same deal, go to chapter 1 for the full disclaimer, but the OC of Charlie the straw colored flying fox belongs to Bluewolfbat, and any rules followed by this, "(Bluewolfbat)" are rules he wrote, and credit for them goes to him.

* * *

Bluewolfbat: So TimberWolf, what exactly do we do in this? Me and Charlie that is.

*I chuckle and hand Bluewolfbat some orange soda, Charlie a wedge of mango*

TimberWolf: Well, we make rules for the house, some are useful while others are just guidelines.

Nathan: Like the warm water prank on Jeanette, that's not exactly a rule, but you'll still suffer the consequences if you decide to pull it on her.

*Bluewolfbat nods and sips his soda*

Bluewolfbat: Okay, so we're on what? Rules 61 to 80?

Charlie: Wow, that's a lot of rules! Do we really need that many?

TimberWolf: *nods* Yup, you'd be surprised how crazy things get for me here. And it's been nuts since Alvin and Brittany got hitched!

*Charlie coughs around his mango slice and shakes his head*

Charlie: THEY GOT MARRIED!?

Nathan: Yeah, and we'd have invited you, but at the time you were busy with the Zoo, we saved some cake for you though!

*Nathan then presents a slice of chocolate cake with white icing, some red and pink colored icing on the side for decoration, as well as a single pink rose made of icing on the top of the slice*

TimberWolf: Anyway, let's get to the rules, shall we?

* * *

 **Rules 61 to 80:**

 **Rule #61:** Alvin and Brittany are married, that doesn't mean they are going to act like adults ALL THE TIME!

*Bluewolfbat glances at this rule while Charlie eats his slice of cake*

Bluewolfbat: What do you mean by this?

*I then get up and go to my door*

TimberWolf: ALVIN! BRITTANY! COME HERE!

*soon after the married couple arrives in my office, their gold wedding bands shining in the light enough to be noticeable on their hands*

Alvin: What is it TimberWolf?

Brittany: Yeah, we were kinda in the middle of something.

TimberWolf: Sorry about that, but Bluewolfbat wants to know why this rule had to be made.

*Quickly both Alvin and Brittany chuckle and start twiddling their fingers a bit, a light blush on both their faces*

Alvin: Well... you see we kinda got carried away on the day after being married-

Brittany: -and I tried to fill my role as Alvin's wife and make breakfast-

Alvin: -which was good... until she tried to put eggs in the toaster.

*Brittany glares at her husband and shoves him in the shoulder*

Brittany: What are you talking about? I was making coffee, it was you who put eggs in the toaster!

Alvin: I distinctly remember you doing that Britt.

Nathan: Then why were you covered in egg goo and shell pieces Alvin?

*Alvin then glares at Nathan and makes the "cut it out" motion with his hand*

Brittany: Whatever, long story short, we ended up trashing the kitchen... and Alvin tried to blame it on Toby.

Alvin: And it would've worked too... if Toby had been here at that moment.

*Bluewolfbat looks to them with an amuse smile*

Bluewolfbat: I think I understand now.

Charlie: Say what now? Sorry I was eating this cake! IT'S SO GOOD!

*we all share a light laugh, and I let Alvin and Brittany leave the room*

* * *

 **Rule #62:** Do NOT stand outside for a long time without sunscreen... Especially if you are a bat or a Chipmunk or Chipette. (Bluewolfbat)

*Alvin laying outside in a chair, soaking up some sun with Simon*

Timberwolf: I hope you put on sunscreen!

Alvin: I did.

*Bluewolfbat and Charlie come outside. We notice Simon sleeping on his chair*

Simon: *snores*

Bluewolfbat: Alvin, does Simon have sunscreen on?

Alvin: Yup. He put on sunscreen... Like two hours ago. He has been asleep since.

Timberwolf: But that was... *checks the time on his cell phone* 4 HOURS AGO?!

*Simon jumps from Timberwolf yelling and wakes up. He notices his fur is really warm, and the light fur color is pink*

Simon: Uh, what happened?

Alvin: You fell asleep while outside and got sunburned.

Simon: *eyes widen* What?! Why didn't you wake me up?! I could have put on more sunscreen!

Alvin: Well, I didn't want to miss out on getting as much sun as I could, and second, I wasn't paying attention.

Simon: You? ... I? ... N-Not paying attention?... Sunblock? ... ALVINNN!

*Simon gives Alvin an upset look*

Simon: You are lucky this isn't permanent! I will get you back somehow!

*Simon goes into the house. Alvin shrugs*

Timberwolf: And that is why we have this rule!

Bluewolfbat: Yes.

*Back in the house, Charlie laughs at how pink Simon is*

Charlie: Hahaha! A pink furred chipmunk!

Simon: I got sunburned! Stop laughing!

* * *

 **Rule #63:** As an extension of Rule #14, if you have almonds or hazelnuts, MAKE SURE TO SHARE WITH BRITTANY!

*Bluewolfbat gives me a confused look and then chuckles*

Bluewolfbat: Do those make Brittany go crazy like peanut butter?

TimberWolf: *shakes head* nope, she just really likes them, and will do anything to have some.

*I quickly reach behind my head and pull Brittany out, her arms full of Almonds and her cheeks bulging with extra nuts she stole*

TimberWolf: Even if it means to steal them, okay Brittany spit them out!

*Brittany rolls her eyes and spits out literally fifty other almonds onto the couch, dropping the ones in her arms and using a sleeve to wipe her lips off, glaring at me the whole time*

Brittany: You didn't share with me this time!

TimberWolf: You didn't ask!

Brittany: _ESTOY TAN JODIDAMENTE ENOJADO CON USTED AHORA MISMO!_

TimberWolf: *sighs* Why do you have to be my favorite... fine, but only the ones that were in your mouth already... and share with your sisters or no bedtime hazelnut!

*Brittany groans and nods*

Brittany: FINE! I'll share my stash!

TimberWolf: You do remember you don't need to store food for winter, right?

Brittany: *Rolls eyes* Yes, I do TimberWolf... oh and hi Charlie!

Charlie: Hey Britt, congratulations on getting hitched!

*Bluewolfbat glances to Charlie and raises an eyebrow*

Bluewolfbat: how do you know the terms for marriage?

Charlie: I hear it a lot at the Zoo, you'd be surprised how many times people proposed near the bat enclosure.

* * *

 **Rule #64:** NEVER refer to Silas's voodoo magic as "The Force", or any other powers from movies. Do so, and you will regret it. (Bluewolfbat)

Bluewolfbat: Charlie found this out the hard way.

Charlie: Sadly, yes.

TimberWolf: Okay. Just look at this.

*Charlie watches Star Wars with Alvin on the couch, until Silas comes into the kitchen to get a snack.*

Silas: Ah! I almost got the bag of almonds! So close!

Charlie: If you can't reach it, the use The Force!

Silas: *eye twitches* Pardon?

Charlie: Use The Force Silas! Use The Force!

Silas: It is magic! Not some force hand grip nonsense!

Charlie: Oh. But if it's magic, where is your wand? And where are your robes of Gryffindor?

Silas: Charlie! Stop this nerdy talking!

Charlie: But which is it? Magic with a wand, or The Force?

Silas: *eyes twitch even more* Stop! I will teach you respect!

*Silas uses his magic to blast Charlie out of the kitchen, onto the couch, and into a blanket! Charlie struggles under the blanket*

Charlie: Oh my gosh! What was that?!

Silas: It was my magic you science bat! Do not anger me again!

Bluewolfbat: Needless to say, Charlie learned his lesson.

Charlie: Too bad it wasn't The Force though. That would have been cool!

*Silas appears from nowhere and glares at Charlie*

Silas: I heard that!

Charlie: *eyes widen* Sorry! Magic!

* * *

 **Rule #65:** In the event anyone else in the Seville home get's engaged, no playing pranks during the wedding rehearsals!

Bluewolfbat: I bet Alvin caused this rule to be made.

TimberWolf: Oddly enough, no he didn't, for once Alvin was well behaved for this kind of thing.

Charlie: Then why make this a rule?

Nathan: Let's just say that Kris and Toby wanted to have a bit of fun, we caught it on tape and here's what we-

*suddenly cries from Julian can be heard from outside the room*

Nathan: Hold on, I'll be back, SIMON! HOLD MY SPOT WILL YOU!

*Nathan then flies out of the room, Simon soon arriving and hopping next to me on the couch*

Simon: So where were we... oh yeah, the video.

*Simon hits play, showing everyone in the living room in the same positions as during the real wedding*

Silas: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today-

Kris: TO DANCE!

*Kris then starts to dance across the coffee table, Alvin and Brittany glaring at her, while Silas rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers, Kris freezing in place as her body was paralysed, falling over like a statue with a light thunk*

Silas: Now where was I... oh yes, we are gathered here today to join these two individuals-

*Toby then runs in holding a banana*

Toby: WITH A BANANA IN YOUR EAR! WITH A RIPE BANANA-

*Toby then notices Kris paralysed on the coffee table and backs away slowly, before he's engulfed in a glowing cloud, the cloud vanishing and revealing a tiny white mouse in Toby's clothing the banana now big enough in comparison to pin Toby to the floor*

Mouse Toby: CRAP!

Silas: Any more interruptions and I'll send you both to my friends on the other side myself!

*Silas then snaps his fingers, changing Toby back to normal and releasing Kris from her paralysis*

Toby: Fine, we're sorry...

Kris: Yeah... learn to take a joke.

*the video ends and I turn to Bluewolfbat*

Bluewolfbat: Something tells me it's not wise to mess with Silas.

TimberWolf: No, it isn't, he was given his power by a witch-doctor and is a master of voodoo. And before anyone asks, no Silas can't make talking animals into humans, as he says "that's not how voodoo works".

* * *

 **Rule #66:** If you change the lyrics while singing a song, make sure the words actually make sense. Otherwise, it is just pointless. (Bluewolfbat)

Bluewolfbat: It can be hard or awkward at times.

Charlie: You're telling me!

Timberwolf: Just watch this, and you'll see why. *shows video*

Simon and Theodore: Girl get cha Hallelujah!

Alvin: Mooooooo!

Simon and Theodore: Girl get cha Hallelujah!

Alvin: Booooooo!

Simon and Theodore: Girl get cha Hallelujah!

Alvin: Oooooooo!

All three Chipmunks: Cause uptown munk do give it to ya! Cause uptown munk don't give it to ya! Come on now, cause we're in the house!

Alvin: Don't believe me, jubilee!

All three Chipmunks: Come on!

Timberwolf: And that is why this rule is for appropriate lyric changes. Yeah, awkward.

* * *

 **Rule #67:** Jeanette + Nutella = ANOTHER FUCKED UP CHIPETTE!

*Charlie looks at this rule and scratches his head*

Charlie: Wasn't this a rule already?

Bluewolfbat: No, that was Brittany with peanut butter... but how's this different than that?

TimberWolf: Well, if I wanted to torture Charlie here, then I'd call her in and give her a spoonful, but rather than that I'll make a comparison, you remember how Brittany acts with too much peanut butter?

*both Charlie and Bluewolfbat nod*

TimberWolf: Well, take that and double it.

*Bluewolfbat and Charlie gasp, even as I chuckle and nod*

TimberWolf: I know, it got bad enough one time when Brittany left the jar out that we thought Jeanette would break the sound barrier, we eventually just let her go outside and burn off the effects of the Nutella... poor girl, we found her sleeping in the grass face down, as if she just crashed.

* * *

 **Rule #68:** Never play as a character that speaks one word. It gets crazy! (Bluewolfbat)

Bluewolfbat: Seriously, please don't.

Charlie: Oh come on! It was fun!

Timberwolf: Not for us! You all had a battle of The Knights of Née from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" and the Ewoks from "Star Wars"! Take a look at this! *plays video*

*The Chipmunk, Nathan, and Julian are dressed in knight outfits with green feathers, and The Chipettes, Cleo, and Alain are dressed in brown clothes with candy canes*

Brittany: Knights of Nee, will you join us and gives us your stash of nuts?

The guys as Knights: Née Née Née Née nee Née Née nee!

Alvin: No thanks. Will you Ewoks give us your stash of nuts?

The girls in brown: Awo wo wo wo wa wa awo wo wo!

Brittany: No thank you! We shall fight for the nuts! Awo! Wo wo wo!

Alvin: Fight for the nuts! Née nee Née NE nee nee!

Boys and girls: AWO! AWO! ... NEE! NEE! ... AWO!... NEE! AHHHHHHHH!

Timberwolf: And that is where it went crazy! It was both confusing and hilarious!

Bluewolfbat: Yes it was!

Charlie: Nobody won. Eventually, we all were rolling on the floor laughing because of how weird and funny the situation had gotten.

* * *

 **Rule #69:** Brittany is _really_ open about her love life... SO DON'T ASK HER ABOUT IT!

TimberWolf: Honestly, it's a surprise the press hasn't caught onto this yet.

Nathan: As they'd get an earful and a half from that pink wearing Chipette if they asked.

*Charlie and Bluewolfbat glance to each other and then back to me and Nathan, a questioning look on their faces*

Bluewolfbat: Why is she so open about it? I thought she freaked out over Theodore accidentally walked in on them... well you know-

Charlie: Mating.

Bluewolfbat: Yeah... _that_.

*Brittany apparently overheard us, as she soon enters the room, nibbling on one of the almonds she snagged earlier*

Brittany: I heard my name, so what are you talking about?

TimberWolf: *glances toward Bluewolfbat and grins* Oh just how you're a bit too open about your love life.

Brittany: *catches my grin and mirrors it* Well, I'm comfortable with expressing myself, and I got to say Alvin is _really_ great at-

Charlie: ENOUGH! I don't mind hearing about the whole act as I know it's natural, but poor Bluewolfbat here is not comfortable with discussing these things!

*me and Brittany both share a laugh*

TimberWolf: Sorry about that, just couldn't help myself.

Brittany: *giggles and then leaves the room, rushing back in and grabbing her almond that she dropped while laughing*

* * *

 **Rule #70:** If you ask Alvin a question about English or try helping him with homework, make sure he understands. Otherwise, we get a Chipmunk version of Abbott and Costello's "Who's On First" (Bluewolfbat) (A/N: look up the actual skit, it's funny as all heck)

Bluewolfbat: I have watched the original version lots of times and always laugh like crazy at the half way point of the video!

Charlie: I too have seen the original version, but when Chipmunks do it, it is either confusing, funny, or both.

Timberwolf: Just take a look at Simon helping Alvin prepare for his English test *plays video*

Simon: Okay, so based on chapters 4 through 7 of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit", which character did Bilbo play riddles with?

Alvin: Who?

Simon: That's what I asked. Who did he play riddles with?

Alvin: Who?

Simon: That's the question! While character did he interact with?

Alvin: I don't know! Gollum, or Precious? What is precious? Who is precious? Which is it?

Simon: That's my question! I am asking you! Gollum calls himself Precious, so Bilbo is playing riddles with who?

Alvin: Precious!

Simon: No! I already said the answer! Who is it?

Alvin: Precious. That's what you said!

Bluewolfbat: This went on for hours until Simon had to take a break. It was kind of funny.

Charlie: It was great! Hahaha!

Timberwolf: Yeah. Okay, before anybody gets confused, next rule!

* * *

 **Rule #71:** When Ian Hawke is visiting, don't ask how he got his job at Jett Records back.

Nathan: It get's way too complicated.

Bluewolfbat: How so? I mean I know he stuffed the Munks and Ettes into cages before, but how hard is it to get his job back after that?

*I give Bluewolfbat a look to say "really?" and then take out my phone*

TimberWolf: Assistant, call Ian Hawke please.

BlackBerry Assistant: Calling "Ian Hawke" now.

*I then set the phone to speaker and wait, the line picking up on the other end*

Ian: Hey TimberWolf! Haven't talked to you in a while, so how's the Rule Book coming along?

TimberWolf: It's going fine, but I called because my guest here wants to know how you got your job at Jett Records back.

*Ian groans on his end of the phone and then sighs*

Ian: Okay but you owe me for this one. So you may know that after I blew it with the Chipmunks I was living in the basement of Jett Records... not my proudest moment I'll say, but it was... _okay_ I guess-

Bluewolfbat: Go on.

Ian: Anyway, after that I signed on with the Chipettes, admittedly telling some big fat lies to them about the guys so that they'd be more willing to help me... then I blew it with them too, and I get thrown into a dumpster-

Charlie: Get to the point Ian!

Ian: I'm getting there, give me time! So I get myself out of the dumpster and think that there's better ways to make money in music production, so I washed myself up and re-applied for a job with Jett Records, though I got quickly fired again when I refused to sign on with Justin Bieber... twice.

*Bluewolfbat actually has a twitching right eyelid at this point while Charlie is resisting the urge to attack my phone*

Ian: Anyway, after that fell through I started looking for work in places other than the music industry, and eventually got hired-

TimberWolf: Okay, I think they get it Ian, any more of your long winded tale and I think they'll tear my phone appart.

Ian: Thanks, but before I go, I gotta ask you something... when can I be a guest in your Rule Book?

TimberWolf: When you aren't busy producing the Munks and Ettes.

*Ian is silent on his end and then groans*

Ian: But I only get two weeks of vacation time!

TimberWolf: Then cash them in and you can help out with the next chapt-

*a beep is heard as Ian hangs up on the call, causing me to laugh and Bluewolfbat to sigh with relief*

Bluewolfbat: FINALLY!

Charlie: IT'S OVER!

* * *

 **Rule #72:** Similar to Rule #2, NEVER use Kris's blood supply for playing pretend. (Bluewolfbat)

Bluewolfbat: It lead to a very bad situation once *glares at Charlie*

Charlie: What?! It was just pretend! And besides, we only used a small amount!

TimberWolf: Did you not see rule #2?

Charlie: But that was only for Alvin!

TimberWolf: Doesn't matter. Go near her blood supply and you are toast! Just watch this! *plays video*

*Simon and Alvin acting out the knight scene from the "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" movie*

Simon: Ha! It's over!

Alvin: *looks at blood stained shoulder while holding arm behind his back* Ah, merely just a scratch!

*they play fight some more until Simon taps Alvin's left arm with his mini toy sword*

Simon: Now it's over!

Alvin: *looks at both blood stained shoulders with arms behind his back* What do you mean?

Simon: Just look! You got no arms! Look! Look!

Alvin: *looks at blood stained shoulders again* Ha! That's just a flesh wound!

Kris: WHO TOUCHED MY PERSONAL BLOOD SUPPLY?!

Alvin and Simon: *eyes widen* Time out! Run for your lives!

Kris: *sniffs and sees her blood supply on Alvin's shoulders and Simon's mini play sword* You two?! You're DEAD!

*Alvin, Simon, and Charlie run while Kris chases them, clearly angry*

Bluewolfbat: I hope you learned your lesson!

Charlie: Yeah. But seriously, it was just a little blood-

*gets cut off as Kris opens the door, drinking some if her deer blood from a cup with a straw*

Kris: Touch my blood supply again and you are DOUBLE TOAST! *Kris leaves*

Charlie: Now I am scared...

TimberWolf: You think?

* * *

 **Rule #73:** If you value your safety, never ask when Brittany plans to be a mother.

TimberWolf: Trust me, you don't want the details.

Bluewolfbat: I'm going to regret this, but why not?

*I roll my eyes and bring up a text thread on my phone*

TimberWolf: So Britt, when are you and Alvin going to bless the house with a litter of baby chipmunks?

Brittany: I don't want to talk about it.

TimberWolf: C'mon, I know you've thought about it before.

Brittany: I said "I don't want to talk about it"

TimberWolf: Is it because you're pregnant already?

*I then put my phone away and roll my right sleeve up, revealing a few tiny scratches on my arm*

TimberWolf: It was at that point I heard her running toward the room, and she barged in and screamed at me... never knew such a sweet girl could be so violent.

Charlie: Damn you done munked up!

Simon: Really Charlie?

* * *

 **Rule #74:** Be careful around bed sheets. You might get stuck under them and look like a ghost. (Bluewolfbat)

*I look to Bluewolfbat and chuckle*

TimberWolf: You are way too cautious, I mean it's not like- WHAT THE!

*I am soon covered in a bed sheet and start flailing around*

Charlie: *sarcastically* oh noes, a ghost!

*the sheet then goes flat on the couch, as I walk into the room from outside*

TimberWolf: *glances around* What? You guys look like you saw a ghost.

* * *

 **Rule #75:** No dogs or cats in this house.

TimberWolf: I think this rule speaks for itself, but just to clarify think about what most of the residents in this house are.

*Charlie shivers and nods*

Charlie: I get this rule, I understand.

Bluewolfbat: But cats are cute-

*Nathan finally returns from his fatherly duties and sends Simon away*

Nathan: Don't even mention a cat to my pups, they haven't seen one yet and I don't need them thinking they are "cute" until later.

TimberWolf: What about Hello Kitty?

Nathan: That's different.

* * *

 **Rule #76:** Do NOT give Charlie a combination of non-alcoholic Pina colada and sugar covered cherries. They make him go crazy like Brittany with peanut butter. (Bluewolfbat)

Bluewolfbat: Not even I knew this until it happened.

Charlie: It was fun!

TimberWolf: Oh really? Take a look at this.

*Charlie drinking a non-alcoholic Pina colada with sugar covered cherries*

Charlie: Mmmmm! So good!

*Three hours later... Charlie flies around like crazy*

Charlie: *singing* I'm freeeeeee!

Simon: Charlie? Why are you doing?

Charlie: I am an Eevee! Eee! Eevee! Eeee!

Alvin: Charlie, buddy? Calm down!

Charlie: Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun na BATMAN!

Simon: Your a bat!

*Charlie then swings upside-down from a book shelf, holding his cell phone*

Charlie: Check it OUUUUUUUUUT! I am taking a SHELFIIIIIIIEEEEEE! Wahoooooooo!

*Charlie then swings and falls onto the floor*

Simon and Alvin: Charlie! Are you okay?

Charlie: Oh my gosh! Alvin and the Chipmunks?! May I have your autograph please?!

Bluewolfbat: Yeah. That's what happens.

Charlie: I am so sorry. I am so embarrassed

TimberWolf: At least you didn't fly around the house like a maniac!

* * *

 **Rule #77:** No matter how often he asks, NEVER tell Theodore how babies are made.

Bluewolfbat: Why not? He's just being inquisitive.

TimberWolf: Yeah... remember the "Theodore Incident" and what happened with that? Just imagine what would happen if he ever found out how babies are made.

*Theodore runs in screaming, followed by Cleo shortly after*

Nathan: Cleo, did you tell him how Julian and Amani were made?

Cleo: *giggles nervously* Yeah... I didn't think he'd take it so badly.

Theodore: IT'S SO WRONG! WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT!?

*I roll my eyes and lift Theo up*

TimberWolf: Because it not only feels good, but it shows your significant other that you love them.

Theodore: BUT THEN WHAT OF THE STORK!

Bluewolfbat: Just a myth... not the bird, but the idea that they deliver babies to parents.

Theodore: Surely finding children under cabbage leaves aren't fake.

Charlie: Nope, sorry bud, just accept it... maybe you and Ellie will have pups some day and you'll understand.

*Theodore's left eyelid twitches a bit and he turns and leaps out of my hand to leave the room*

* * *

 **Rule #78:** Make sure Amani has her teddy bear to cuddle with. (Bluewolfbat)

TimberWolf: She will cuddle with the Chipmunks or Chipettes otherwise.

Alvin: You're telling me!

Charlie: She and Julian scared us when she lost it once.

Bluewolfbat: What do you mean?

TimberWolf: Take a look *puts tape in*

*Julian and Amani are seen searching for something, only to go into Alvin and Brittany's bedroom*

Alvin: *groaning* did you two loose your teddies?

*the two pups nod sadly, Brittany placing a hand on her husband's shoulder*

Brittany: You want to snuggle with us for the night?

*two nods from the pups*

Alvin: Okay, get up here.

*Julian and Amani climb up onto the bed and start to snuggle with their aunt and uncle, then the tape ends*

TimberWolf: We found them like that the next morning... it was adorable.

Nathan: I almost didn't want to wake them up.

* * *

 **Rule #79:** Similar to Rule #19, if you see Alvin acting overly romantic toward Brittany, DON'T MAKE FUN OF HIM FOR IT!

TimberWolf: Trust me here, you'd have a better time whacking a hive of killer bees than to do this.

Charlie: Is it really that bad?

*I bring up a photo on my phone of Miles in the hospital, with a cast on his left foot, right hand, and his head in a bandage*

TimberWolf: That's just Miles, you don't want to see what happened to Toby... never knew Alvin could be such a tiny terror when provoked.

* * *

 **Rule #80:** Build a Bear plushies are allowed. (Bluewolfbat)

Bluewolfbat: It's awesome.

Charlie: Dude, calm down!

TimberWolf: Julian and Amani liked it the first time. Just watch this *plays tape*

Julian and Amani: Thank you for taking us to Build a Bear

Nathan and Cleo: your welcome.

*After picking their stuffed animals, getting them stuffdd, naming them, ect. They leave the store. They arrive home with their stuffed animals in boxes*

Alvin: Wow! What is in the boxes?

Simon: Yeah, they are big and colorful!

Theodore: What did you get?

*Julian and Amani open the boxes and pull out their stuffed teddy bears*

Julian and Amani: Teddies! *hugs their stuffed animals*

TimberWolf: Amani still sleeps with her old teddy bear plus her Build a Bear one.

Nathan: the kids are so adorable sleeping with their teddies.

* * *

And there we have it, again special thanks to Bluewolfbat and his OC Charlie for coming in to lend a hand. And stay tuned for the next twenty rules for the Seville home.

Bluewolfbat: Also, don't forget to check out my stuff, I have stories for AATC, as well as other shows and movies like Balto, PAW Patrol, Little Bear... I have a wide variety.

Charlie: And don't forget to check out "A Batty Buddy" and it's sequel "A Batty Buddy 2".

TimberWolf: And until next time, I've been TimberWolf-

Nathan: And I've been Nathan.

Everyone together: AND WE'LL SEE YOU GUYS NEXT TIME!


	5. Chapter 5: Rules 81 to 100

**Opening Statement:** And more rules coming at ya! And this time I'm just here by myself, see I figured I'd space the guest author chapters apart, that way I can get some of my own ideas out before I forget them, and yes that happens more often than I'd like to admit. Anyway from rules 81 to 100, so let's get going shall we.

EDIT: This took much longer than was necessary, and for that reason I added in some rules including the six children of Alvin and Brittany.

 **Disclaimer:** Same deal, go to Chapter 1 for a full disclaimer. Though the new OC's of Sandra, Kevin, Kendra, Jade, Michael and Amy belong to me... this applies to "Honeymoon In The Snow" too.

* * *

So since Alvin and Brittany have left for their honeymoon in Canada, I decided to make some rules for when they get back so as to help with their children... yeah Dave relayed the message that Brittany's expecting, and to see the look on his face you'd swear he was going to pass out... and he did after telling us, thankfully he landed in a chair with nobody already sitting in it. Anyway let's get to these rules now.

* * *

 **Rules 81 to 100:**

 **Rule #81:** This rule applies ONLY to the press and paparazzi, when Alvin and Brittany return from their honeymoon... GET LOST OR SUFFER!

We already had to file for a restraining order against all press coverage of Brittany's current condition, and if you think we're being a bit over protective look at this one moment that happened at 3:00 AM.

*Late at night, I get up to grab a drink of water, when I hear a crash from Alvin and Brittany's room*

Me: *groans* What the... I thought that they were on their-

*At this point I had opened their door, finding a woman in a suit with a man holding a camera, currently rummaging through Brittany's dresser*

Reporter: Come on, they have to have a clue somewhere, just one-

Me: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE!

*The two people jump and spin around, before the woman grins and walks up to me*

Reporter: Well now, if it isn't the author himself, would you be wiling to answer a few questions-

Me: NO! And unless you want me to get Silas in here I suggest you two hightail it out of this room!

*The reporter lets out a soft laugh, about to say something when she is engulfed in a cloud, the cloud dissipating to reveal a brown furred squirrel with the woman's clothes on*

Silas: YOU TWO GET OUT NOW! OR DO MY FRIENDS ON THE OTHER SIDE HAVE TO MAKE A VISIT?!

*the two quickly leave, though not before Silas returns the woman back to normal*

Yeah, that was not fun, though I got to admit the look on that woman's face was priceless when she got turned into a squirrel, way to go Silas!

* * *

 **Rule #82:** For the love of all things holy, don't EVER try to pull a prank on Simon!

It's not that he'll get back at you that's the problem here... he'll get even. This one time Alvin pulled that shaving cream prank on Simon and this is how he got his revenge.

*Alvin and Brittany in bed together, sleeping when they are jolted awake by a soft popping sound*

Alvin: Britt? Did you hear that?

Brittany: Yeah, what was it- WHAT THE HELL!

*before they can react, white foam shoots up from under the covers, coating the two chipmunks thoroughly in shaving cream, all the while a certain blue wearing chipmunk laughed nearby*

Simon: VICTORY IS MINE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!

And that's why Alvin made Zack his best man at the wedding instead of Simon... I'm still trying to figure out what exactly Simon did to get that kind of effect but meh, maybe it's best that I don't know.

* * *

 **Rule #83:** Super Glue is not allowed on the premises.

And no, it's not because of Miles. This was meant to end up on an earlier list, but every time I would go to put it in, I'd have to add another rule to take it's place, anyway the reason for this is simple... Alvin grabbed the wrong glue one year and let's just say he got really... shiny. Had glitter stuck to him for a full week!

*the door opens to my office and I look to see Theodore stuck to Simon's back*

Simon: Don't ask... just get us unstuck.

Theodore: Yeah... I'm hungry.

*I sigh and tale out the nail polish remover*

Me: Stay still and close your eyes.

*I then pour a bit onto the two, and they soon are able to pull apart from each other*

Simon: WE'RE FREE!

Theodore: But at what cost? Look at our shirts!

*both Simon and Theodore's shirts are now slightly bleached out*

And that's why I keep the nail polish remover in my office. On the topic of glitter though...

* * *

 **Rule #84:** When using glitter for anything in this house, watch where you place it.

Similar to the rule above, glitter seems to have a mesmerizing effect on the chipmunks, and the chipettes now that I think on it... I think it's just a part of their animal brains that hasn't really let go of them at the moment- what the?

*I glance down and see a glitter filled jar, reaching out for it to see why it was there, when Eleanor pops out and shakes as much of the glitter off as she can*

Eleanor: MY PRECIOUS! MY PRECIOUS!

Me: *dropping the jar in surprise before swiftly catching it again* Eleanor! What the Hell?

Eleanor: *shrugs shoulders* I figured I'd help with the skit for this rule.

*I blink a moment then face-palm*

Me: If I don't have grey hair before thirty...

And That was Ellie, being her helpful self... could've gone about it differently if you ask me but whatever, It works.

* * *

 **Rule #85:** As an extension to Rule #1, never use an air-horn to wake someone up... even if they ask for a wake up call.

I made this rule for myself because Toby and Miles thought they'd have a laugh when I told them to wake me up before a certain time... had I known they'd do this, I'd never have asked.

*I'm napping on the couch in my office, when Toby and Miles sneak in, both holding air-horns in their hands and taking positions on either side of me, Toby on my left and Miles on the right*

Toby: Ready Miles?

Miles: Ready. In three...two...one...now.

*right on "now" they both hit the buttons on their air-horns, causing me to snap awake and spazz out a bit*

Me: WHAT THE DEVIL!?

*Miles and Toby are both laughing their asses off*

Miles: That was priceless!

Toby: The look on your face was so freaking funny!

Me: *glares before I take a breath* You two... are going to pay for that.

*they both stop laughing, before they groan and fall to the floor, having both received a punch to their guts*

Yeah... never use an air-horn to wake anyone up... especially me... come to think of it...

* * *

 **Rule #86:** Air-Horns of all kinds are banned... PERIOD!

Don't know why I haven't made this a rule already...

*I hear rustling behind me, turning to find Jeanette in my bag of almonds, before I expertly sneak up behind her and pull out an air-horn*

Me: *thinking* Sorry Jean...

*I then hit the button with the horn right behind Jeanette, causing her to scream and leap up to the ceiling, before she drops onto my head with a soft thud*

Jeanette: HEY! Don't scare me like that!

Me: Then don't be a thief-

Jeanette: *noticing this rule* YOU FUCKING HYPOCRITE!

Needless to say, I need to practice what I preach... I didn't save the almonds.

* * *

 **Rule #87:** No matter what, "Sexy And I Know It" is forever banned from the Seville home.

Now this rule has an exception, and it's only if you decide to do this IN PRIVATE!... needless to say, Alvin actually used to be bad for randomly breaking into this song almost anywhere.

*everyone at the mall, when Brittany notices that Alvin is missing*

Brittany: Alvin! Where are you- Oh no...

*Alvin is posing in just his fur on a shelf lined with decorative chipmunk figurines, when a customer comes by and goes to pick him up*

Alvin: I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!

*Alvin then proceeds to place his hands behind his head and make a pelvic thrusting movement, all while the customer screams from surprise and Brittany just face-palms*

Brittany: Why couldn't I have fallen for Simon?

Alvin: Because...

Brittany: ALVIN-

Alvin: I'M SEXY AND YOU KNOW IT!

*Brittany then growls, and lands a punch straight to Alvin's groin, making him curl up and fall off the shelf*

Alvin hasn't done it since _that_ incident, but I think it was so he didn't get any more crotch shots from his girl... trust me, she's tiny but packs one Hell of a punch!

* * *

 **Rule #88:** Asking Silas for love advice is not allowed.

This is a rule mainly because of what he did to Alvin and Brittany... Oh yeah, I knew about it, I could tell immediately that something was wrong when-

*Simon and Jeanette run in and give me terrified looks*

Me: *rolls eyes* You asked the rat with voodoo for love advice huh?

Simon (in Jeanette's body): You could say that...

Jeanette (in Simon's body): Yeah... it wasn't our smartest decision-

Me: It was probably your dumbest... why would you do this- nevermind, I don't want to know. SILAS!

*Silas appears next to me, and I merely point to Simon and Jeanette*

Silas: Fine... you have no sense of "haha".

Me: A simple prank is one thing, THIS is entirely different, switch them now!

Silas: Fine... don't get your shirt in a knot.

*Silas snaps his fingers and Simon and Jeanette flop to the floor, getting back up and sighing in relief*

Yeah... didn't expect Simon to actually be dumb enough to think he could get advice from Silas... but then again the next rule may just put that point across.

* * *

 **Rule #89:** Simon, NEVER try and have Silas turn you into Simone again!

I'm putting this here because Simon seems to believe that Jeanette likes Simone better than him. Despite Jeanette telling him otherwise!

*Simon in Silas's parlour, twiddling his thumbs nervously*

Silas: So let me get this straight, you want me to bring your alter ego, Simone, back from within your head? Just to impress Jeanette.

Simon: Yes, that's exactly what I was hoping for-

Silas: Not happening bub.

*Simon's ears fold back and he growls a bit*

Simon: Why not?

Silas: because that personality was induced with a neurotoxin introduced into your blood by a spider bite.

Simon: Yeah... and?

*Silas rolls his eyes and pinches his nose a bit*

Silas: Imagine, if you will, the result of a mad scientist mashing a chipmunk and a spider together... and then imagine that creature having the inhibition of Brittany hopped up on peanut butter, a french accent, and a constant infatuation for your violet clad mate...

Simon: Okay... and your point is?

Silas: That's what Simone would be if I messed around and brought him back. Not some suave french chipmunk, but a monster with no other desire than to be with Jeanette. Now tell me, is that what you truly want?

*Simon sighs and shakes his head*

Yeah... Silas later told me that most of what he explained to Simon that day was a big pile of crap, he knew he could bring Simone back and not have anything wrong happen... he's just smart enough to know better than to mess with Jeanette's love life.

* * *

 **Rule #90:** Watch your step.

I don't think this rule needs explaining, but I'll explain it anyway, see aside from Nathan and his family, and Silas seeing as he's usually in his inter-dimensional parlour thingy, most of the people on this house are really small, and though it doesn't happen often, there are times when the humans that frequent this house make a drastic mistake.

*Dave walking into the living room while reading a news paper, not noticing Simon walking by*

Dave: so Alvin and Brittany were on E-Talk recently-

Simon: AHHHHHHHHHHH!

*Dave immediately moves his foot, having accidentally stepped on Simon's tail*

Dave: Sorry Simon, I didn't see you there-

Simon: REALLY? YOU'VE BEEN LIVING WITH TALKING CHIPMUNKS FOR YEARS AND YOU FORGET TO WATCH WHERE YOU STEP!?

And that's why Simon now walks across furniture... to be fair he did have to go to the vet's that day, and they found out his tail was kinked by Dave's foot... never seen a man so guilty as Dave in my life.

* * *

 **Rule #91:** Chewing gum is to be properly disposed of after chewing.

Swallow it, spit it into a trash can, throw it into a volcano for all I care, but do not just stick it under the edge of a table or chair... it gets bad when Samantha finds it... worse when a chipmunk or bat get's stuck in it.

*Miles and Toby in the living room chewing some bubble gum, when Toby goes to blow a bubble, only to accidentally spit out his gum and have it land on the back of Theodore's head*

Toby: Oh dear, I'm sorry Theo.

Theodore: What for- OH GOD! NOT GUM AGAIN!

*Theodore then attempts to remove the gum from his fur, but ends up getting covered near completely in the stuff*

Theodore: OH GOD! IT'S EVERYWHERE!

It took nearly two hours of butter and fur trimming to get all the gum out... we're still occasionally finding a bit of it in his fur!

* * *

 **Rule #92:** in regards to Alvin and Brittany's children, NEVER make fun of Sandra being mute... EVER!

I say this because... well you saw what happened to Ryan. He's probably having nightmares of six chipmunks tearing into him... oh you're expecting a skit to go with this one? Well, go to Chapter 6 of "Honeymoon In The Snow" to see what happens when you make fun of Sandra for being unable to speak... SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION! *cheesy thumbs up pose*

* * *

 **Rule #93:** Similar to Rule #14, NEVER give any of Alvin and Brittany's kids peanut butter!

Apparently, whatever effect peanut butter has on Brittany is a genetic thing, and every single one of her and Alvin's pups got it too... we found out the hard way one morning.

*everyone at the table when Alvin hands a small piece of toast with peanut butter to each of his kids, al of them eating it and instantly beginning to shiver*

Alvin: What the?

Me: Oh no...

*after about five seconds, Kevin starts running around the house, Kendra begins to sing "Goofy Goober", Jade is spouting out the digits in "pi", Michael is dancing like a maniac, Amy is literally bouncing off the walls and Sandra is "screaming" at the top of her lungs, everyone present being thankful for the fact that she was mute for this one reason*

Brittany: *nervous chuckles* Oops... my bad.

The worst part wasn't that it happened, it's that it lasted an entire FIVE HOURS! That's insane... Hell of it is, when they came down, they were fine! As if nothing had happened... this worries me.

* * *

 **Rule #94:** If you don't know Sign Language, then be ready for a lot of notes when talking to Sandra.

She's a sweet little girl with a heart of gold... and because she's mute she only speaks through sign language. For those not in the know, that's when you spell out your words using your hands and fingers to make symbols representing the individual letters of the alphabet. But be warned, if you KNOW the alphabet and mess up on even ONE letter or full word... yikes.

*Sandra then walks into the room and hops up onto the coffee table*

Me: Hey Sandra, how are you today?

Sandra: *Sign Language* _I'm fine, I wanted to come here to see if you could use Sign Language properly._

Me: And... how are you going to test this?

*At this point, Gwen enters the room and sits next to me on the couch*

Me: *also signing my words* Oh crap.

Sandra: *Sign Language* _You just said, "My back" TimberWolf... learn the stuff you use in your stories!_

Gwen: *Sign Language* _Is this guy okay? He just said his back hurt._

Sandra: *Sign Language* _He's fine, he meant to say, "Oh crap,"_

Me: You know, I'm still right here.

Yeah, mess up and Sandra will call you on it... I swear it's worst than Old Lady Johnson from across the street.

* * *

 **Rule #95:** No quoting the ASDF movie series.

It gets a little crazy when everyone tries to do it.

*Alvin and Simon in the living room when Alvin grins*

Alvin: QUACK!

Simon: I was just about to say that!

Alvin: Are you serious?

Simon: Totally!

Alvin: Man, that's spooky!

Simon: We are so in sync!

Yep... yet another reason I wish I was allowed to use the nap time spray... oh I'm banned until Alvin and Brittany's kids get older, they don't want to risk anything like minor blain dablage.

* * *

 **Rule #96:** Simon, if any of your inventions have a BIG RED BUTTON on them... DO NOT SHOW ALVIN!

I don't get it, it doesn't matter if it's just a pointless button or if it's the button to launch every nuke on Earth. If there's a giant red button, and Alvin sees it, he almost becomes entranced with it and is compelled to press it, just watch.

*I get up and go to my door, opening it a crack and setting one of those "Easy" buttons from Staples outside*

Me: I guarantee you, Alvin will be unable to resist the button.

*five minutes pass, and eventually the button is pressed*

Easy Button: THAT WAS EASY!

Alvin: Aww crap!

See, he can't resist them. I've actually played a joke on Alvin once where I put fifty of those buttons around his bed while he was asleep, and late at night when he goes to the bathroom, I hear fifty consecutive "That was easy!" calls... it's fun.

* * *

 **Rule #97:** Never allow Sandra to read MetalMunk's "Ultimate Series" on FanFiction.

As a bit of an easter egg, the monster in Sandra's nightmare is actually the Beastling Leader Anthrax from those stories, so for obvious reasons Sandra is NOT to ever know that those stories exist... or that I'm the one who designed Anthrax to start with... and yet another skit-less rule, mainly because I feel you need to read my friend MetalMunk's stories to fully appreciate it... SHAMLESS PROMOTION OF FRIEND'S CONTENT! *cheesy thumbs up pose*

* * *

 **Rule #98:** for the same reason as Rule #90, look before you sit.

Need I explain this rule in detail...

* * *

 **Rule #99:** Alvin + Lemon = FUNNY AS FUCK!

I swear, I've never laughed so hard as when I challenged Alvin to eat a whole lemon without flinching... he didn't succeed, he flinched HARD!

*Alvin biting into a wedge of lemon, his entire body shuddering as he quickly spat out the citrus fruit and sputtered his tongue out of his mouth*

Alvin: Oh Jesus! Is it supposed to burn like that!

Me: What's wrong? Can't put your money where your mouth is?

*Alvin glares at me, then grabs the lemon wedge and bites into it again, once more shuddering, but this time biting off a piece, tears streaming down his face from how sour it was*

Alvin: *swallows lemon piece* THERE! I did it... now pay up...

Me: I said a WHOLE Lemon... you ate one bite.

*Alvin flinches a bit before pulling out a lemon grenade*

Alvin: COMBUSTABLE LEMON!

Okay... that happened, anyway the last part aside, Alvin did do an amazing job... but something about the vitamin C in the fruit made it burn for him to... well you can guess.

* * *

 **Rule #100:** Simon and Jeanette are great teachers... but never ask them to tutor you in anything.

It's not that they're unwilling, they just treat tutoring as if they were teaching... that's really it. Seriously If I try to make a skit for this, they will show up and steal it.

*Simon and Jeanette then slowly rise up from behind my shoulders*

Simon: So... need any help TimberWolf?

Jeanette: Yeah... anything that needs, proofreading?

Me: *sighing* No... but thanks for the offer-

Simon: Oh we're done already.

Me: Wait what?

Jeanette: And we fixed some of your spelling errors.

Yeah they are that fast... this also concerns me.

* * *

And finally chapter 5 is complete, now hopefully I'll have chapter 6 of this post up sooner than this one, and I'll be featuring another guest author, so look forward to it my friends!


	6. Chapter 6: Rules 101 to 120 (Azure)

**Opening Statement:** Hey there everyone, chapter 6 and more rules to live by in the Seville home. As you may have noticed, every other chapter will feature a guest author, and this one is no different. Joining me today is the possibly the first female author to be featured in my rule book, SuicideAzure!

Azure: *waves lightly* Hey everyone, glad to be here!

TimberWolf: So since we got the introductions out of the way, let's get started with this next set of rules!

 **Disclaimer:** chapters 1 and 5 for full disclaimer. And as always, any rules followed by this "(Azure)" are rules written by SuicideAzure herself, and all credit for them goes to her.

* * *

Azure: Okay I think I got the general idea for what we do here, we make rules to keep order in this house right?

TimberWolf: *handing Azure a root beer.* Yeah, that's pretty much it, and as I've said to my previous guests, things get pretty crazy here... then again you probably know that already, seeing as you get pestered by Alvin on a near daily basis right?

*Azure nods and sips at her soda*

Azure: Yeah... that red sweater wearing goofball is always finding ways to annoy me.

TimberWolf: Well since you're my guest, you get to make rules too, and being the gentleman I am, I'll let you start things off.

*Alvin then pops out of a box on the shelf*

Alvin: Well now, I thought you were single TimberWolf... same for you Azure.

*I swiftly turn and glare at the red clad chipmunk*

TimberWolf: Okay, first off, I am still single... can't speak for Azure here but anyways, secondly, Azure here is much too young for me, I'm twenty four years old!

Azure: Really? Wow.

Alvin: I know! He should be getting hitched or something... *starts whistling the wedding march theme while holding up his left hand, showing off his gold wedding band*

*I swiftly pick up one of the crocs under my couch and throw it at Alvin, hitting him and knocking the red chipmunk out of my work office*

TimberWolf: *sigh* Okay, remember to check all boxes next time... anyways, this is rules 101 to 120, and with this intro skit over and done with let's get started!

* * *

 **Rules 101 to 120:**

 **Rule #101:** If you value you life in any way, NEVER enter Azure's room EVER without her permission! (Azure)

Azure: It's my sanctuary, where I keep all my special things... and Alvin is ALWAYS trying to get in there!

TimberWolf: I know how you feel, though my office door is always open when I'm working, Alvin and Brittany like to try and sneak in to mess with me.

*I quickly turn and find Theodore sitting at my computer desk*

Theodore: Umm... I wasn't touching it... honest!

*A pop-up for a restaurant comes on the screen before being followed by five more*

Azure: They make viruses for food sites?

TimberWolf: only if he did what I think he did... Theo, were you on the Deep Web again?

Theodore: *chuckles nervously* Sorry... it's the only way I can find new recipes that haven't been done before.

*I roll my eyes and go over to my computer, taking out a gun and firing a bullet into the thing. I then toss the broken computer away, reach into a closet and pull out a new one*

Azure: *wide eyes* how much money do you have TimberWolf?

TimberWolf: In real life, not too much, here though, since I won a bet with Alvin, I got enough money to keep a decent supply of laptops available.

*Theodore then glances to the broken laptop and shrugs*

Theodore: Sorry TimberWolf, I didn't mean to-

TimberWolf: It's fine Theo, you just got to remember that I don't browse the Deep Web... on that note though...

* * *

 **Rule #102:** Browsing the "Deep Web" isn't banned... so long as you're safe while doing it.

TimberWolf: You'd never believe how many times I caught Simon and Jeanette browsing the Deep Web, it's INSANE how no one has tracked them down on that place yet.

*Simon and Jeanette in their room and surfing the web*

Simon: *reading a message* Okay, so this website needs better web design... OH NO! I am not touching THAT one!

Jeanette: *glancing at the message and gasping* The Silk Road market is contacting us? DELETE IT!

Simon: I'm trying, but it keeps coming back... FUCK!

*I overhear the commotion and take a look*

TimberWolf: You do realize that's just a popup to lure in web designers, not an actual message... right?

Simon: *looks the "message" over and chuckles* Oh... so it is.

* * *

 **Rule #103:** For the same reason as Rule #101, NEVER let Alvin or any of his and Brittany's kids get Azure's journal. (Azure)

Azure: It has WAY too many secrets that I'd rather not have leaked everywhere... some are pretty personal.

*Kevin then walks in with a book in his hands*

Kevin: Azure, it says in this book that you find my dad to be, quote, "Highly annoying and extremely irritating"... why is that?

Azure: *looks at the book and yelps, snatching it from the auburn furred chipmunk's paws and holding it to her chest* That's my journal! Where did you get it?

Kevin: From my dad... he said I shouldn't read it but... sorry Azure.

TimberWolf: It's okay little guy, not your fault... but your father might have some trouble soon.

*Azure is seen running out of my office, followed by Alvin screaming in fear as Azure tries to smack him with the book*

* * *

 **Rule #104:** This rule is for Sandra... NEVER try and get a voice by going to Silas.

*Azure looks this rule over and then gives me a bit of a glare*

Azure: Why is this a rule?

TimberWolf: Because, Alvin and Brittany don't want anything bad happening to their eldest daughter, they love her just as she is, even if she has no voice... besides, the only reason Silas can speak at all is because of a voodoo ritual that made him able to use magical abilities... just think what would happen to Sandra if she got anything like that.

*Silas suddenly appears on the coffee table and chuckles, startling Azure a bit in the process*

Silas: Besides, I know better than to mess with things that are not of my concern, hence why I didn't bring Simone back outta Simon's glasses wearing head.

Azure: Okay... thanks Silas...

*the rat nods and then vanishes, leaving Azure somewhat confused*

* * *

 **Rule #105:** Despite her match making skills, NEVER go on a blind date set up by Brittany! (Azure)

Azure: Things get rather awkward when all you know is that your date will be a nice person...

-FLASH BACK-

*Azure sitting at an outdoor table for some restaurant, in a pretty outfit that Brittany had picked out, when her date shows up*

Azure: Hi, nice to meet- TIMBERWOLF!

TimberWolf: Azure? What are you doing- Brittany set up your date didn't she.

*Azure nods and then receives a text from Brittany*

Brittany's Text: How's the date? Hope you like the guy I set you up with, he's a really nice guy once you get to know him.

Azure: *texting back* YOU SET ME UP WITH TIMBERWOLF! AND WHILE I APPRECIATE THE THOUGHTFULNESS, HE'S WAAAAY TO FREAKING OLD FOR ME!

*Azure then sends her text, immediately hearing a scream from inside a bush*

Brittany: YOU ARE NOT BAILING ON THIS! IT COST ME NEARLY FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS TO BOOK RESERVATIONS HERE, AND YOU TWO WILL AT LEAST HAVE A NICE MEAL!

*Azure and TimberWolf glance to each other and sigh, taking their seats and ordering lunch*

-END FLASH BACK-

Azure: Yeah... that day was awkward.

TimberWolf: You're telling me, never did I feel afraid of anything as I did when Brittany jumped out of the bush... makes me wonder where she could be hiding right now...

*meanwhile, on the nearby shelf, Brittany is peeking out of a tiny box*

* * *

 **Rule #106:** Eleanor may not be able to curse... but she can flirt like no one else.

TimberWolf: Most people think that Brittany's the "Queen of Seduction" in regards to the chipettes-

Azure: Isn't she?

TimberWolf: Well... yes and no, yes she's got the looks for the part, but let's just say she's been an understudy of Ellie's for a while now.

*Eleanor and Theodore in their room late at night, candles lighting the room up for them, in the background, soft music was playing*

Theodore: Ellie... I'm not sure about this-

Eleanor: *giggles* Come on Theo, I know you want it.

Theodore: *licking his lips* It does look... tempting.

Eleanor: Then go ahead and... have a taste.

*Theodore then raised a fork to his mouth, a piece of cake on the end which Theodore soon ate and purred at the flavors*

Theodore: Wow... this is really good!

*Meanwhile, outside the room, Alvin and Brittany are listening in and shudder to themselves*

Alvin: You think they're...

Brittany: I don't want to find out.

TimberWolf: Yeah, Ellie is a little minx with most things when it regards Theodore... makes me wonder why they haven't-

Azure: *covers my mouth* DON'T SAY IT! I do NOT need that mental image.

* * *

 **Rule #107:** If for any reason you need to work on Alvin's phone, NEVER check his browser history...EVER! (Azure)

Azure: I had to once when Alvin upgraded from one model to another, and let's just say the history I saw... it was weird.

TimberWolf: Any weirder than some of the stuff that goes on in here?

*Azure takes out her phone and shows a note of web pages from Alvin's browser history, my eyes going wide at some of them*

Azure: You think the links are bad, I was curious enough to open a couple... let's just say that I now understand why Alvin's so twisted.

*I simply take out my phone and snap a picture of the Azure's phone screen*

TimberWolf: I need this for... _research_... and things...

Azure: Really?

* * *

 **Rule #108:** Never do "Pull my Finger" in the Seville home...

*Azure gives this rule a glance and chuckles*

Azure: I'm probably going to regret this, but why is this a rule?

*I sigh and shake my head*

TimberWolf: Let's just say that one evening, before Brittany had given birth to the pups, she decided to have a bit of fun with her pregnant gas.

-FLASH BACK-

*everyone, including myself, are in the living room watching TV, when Brittany smirks to herself and taps Theodore on the shoulder*

Brittany: Hey, Theodore... pull my finger.

Theodore: *not really thinking about it* Okay.

*Theodore gently tugs on Brittany's extended finger, and immediately an uncharacteristically long, loud fart is let loose, enough force behind it to blow Theodore's fur a bit as if he had a fan pointed at him, and this lasting for about five minutes, afterwards Theodore frozen in shock and everyone else aside from Alvin is staring at the pink clad chipette, both Brittany and Alvin laughing hysterically at what had just happened*

Theodore: *twitching a bit* What... the fuck... WAS THAT!?

Brittany: *laughing* Sorry Theo... I just couldn't help myself!

TimberWolf: Britt, I just have one thing to say... *I start to slowly clap my hands* ...Well done!

-END FLASH BACK-

Azure: *Trying not to laugh* You mean Brittany did that?

*I nod and go to answer, when Brittany pops out of the small box on the shelf and leaps over to my head*

Brittany: For your information, TimberWolf here exaggerated the story a bit... I only let out a tiny, adorably dainty fart-

TimberWolf: BULLSHIT! I WAS THERE AND I FELT THE VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE COUCH CUSHIONS!

*Azure looses it and falls off the couch in a fit of laughter, Brittany glaring at me the entire time*

* * *

 **Rule #109:** If you find yourself in an argument with Simon, don't try to prove him wrong. (Azure)

Azure: I swear, it's easier to say what's at the centre of a black hole than to prove Simon is wrong with anything... not that he hasn't ever admitted being wrong at all, it's just the times he has are far and few between.

*Simon enters the room and shakes his head*

Simon: That's not entirely true, I actually just admitted that I was wrong about something-

TimberWolf: Was it for Jeanette?

*Simon stops his argument and groans*

Simon: How'd you know?

Azure: Because while she's an intellectual like you, she's still a girl.

TimberWolf: And even though you're not married, as the saying goes, "Happy Wife, Happy Life,"

Simon: *flat look*... I never said I was wrong either.

* * *

 **Rule #110:** Because of her condition, singing around Sandra is only permitted if the singers are Alvin or Brittany.

Azure: Why's this a rule? Doesn't she like music?

TimberWolf: *nods* Yes, a lot... only she gets a bit jealous whenever she hears someone else singing, since the only mouth related sounds Sandra can make are whistles and... well this *blows a soft raspberry sound with my tongue*

*Sandra then walks into my office, whistling a happy tune and without really thinking I start to sing the words to the song she's whistling*

TimberWolf: _I was walking in the park one day, in the merry, merry month of-_ Oh crud...

*Sandra has stopped whistling and is glaring at me, then her hands fly into a fit of gestures, ending off with a flip of the middle finger, this causing me to widen my eyes*

TimberWolf: You hug your mother with those hands!?

Azure: What did she just say? I understood the last part, but what was the rest?

*chuckles and rubs the back of my head*

TimberWolf: You really don't want to know.

* * *

 **Rule #111:** As an extension to Rule #109, NEVER argue with Simon when Jeanette is around. (Azure)

Azure: If you end up in one of these debates and Jeanette pops in, you and Simon both lose.

Simon: I agree, Jeanette is a very intelligent individual whom I love with all my heart and soul... *under his breath* even if sometimes she's a bit incessant on her being right.

TimberWolf: Really Simon? No argument on your part?

*Jeanette then storms in and hops up onto the coffee table*

Jeanette: Simon? We both know you graded Sandra in her home schooling with "A's" because you didn't want to hurt her feelings!

Simon: No, I gave Sandra straight "A's" because I didn't want to catch shit from my brother.

*very quickly, Simon and Jeanette start arguing, to which I simply pick up both chipmunks and gently set them outside my office, closing the door afterwards*

TimberWolf: You weren't kidding, neither is letting up.

Azure: *nods* Yeah, I know, and I go through that crap nearly every day if I'm not careful... makes me think I should invest in some earmuffs.

* * *

 **Rule #112:** Unless you want extremely pissed off parents to deal with, NEVER ask when any of Alvin and Brittany's girls are going to get boyfriends... EVER!

TimberWolf: I made the mistake of asking this in passing and trust me, it didn't end well.

Azure: Why? Eventually all their kids are going to be old enough to start noticing the opposite gender-

*I immediately cover Azure's mouth and hush her*

TimberWolf: SHUSH! They have ears like a falcon has eyes.

*no sooner did I say this and Brittany storms into the room, glaring at Azure in a way as if to set the human girl on fire*

Brittany: MY PUPS WILL NOT BE HAVING ANY SUITORS RIGHT NOW, SO DROP IT!

*Brittany then storms out, even while myself and Azure lean away from the pink chipette on the couch*

TimberWolf & Azure: DAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

* * *

 **Rule #113:** If Alvin and Zack are in the room, TALK QUICKLY! (Azure)

Azure: Those two are horrible for cutting you off in the middle of something.

TimberWolf: *rolls eyes* Tell me about it!

-FLASH BACK-

*TimberWolf and Azure at the kitchen table chatting when Alvin and Zack hop onto the table top*

Azure: So I was wondering if you would like to-

Alvin: You know, I've been thinking about growing a moustache...

*Azure and TimberWolf blink a bit before resuming their conversation*

TimberWolf: I'd be glad to-

Zack: Really Alvin? You got fur everywhere on your face, how are you going to grow a moustache?

*at this point Azure and TimberWolf both turn and address the duo of talking rodents on the table*

Azure: Do you two mind? We're discussing-

Alvin: Oh I was thinking of trimming a little of my facial fur off, shaping the rest into a moustache... can't choose between a Hulk Hogan moustache or an Antonio Bandarez one... what do you think Zack?

Zack: Oohh, I think the Zoro look would suit you just-

Azure & TimberWolf: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

*Zack and Alvin fall over laughing before running off*

-END FLASH BACK-

Azure: Yup... everytime.

TimberWolf: *nods* uh-huh, surprised those two aren't-

*Alvin and Zack pop out from behind me and Azure, a jazz tune playing before the two start singing together*

Alvin: _Before we get finished, we'll make the town roar!_

Zack: _We'll hit all the late spots, and then a few more!_

Alvin & Zack: _We'll wind up at Stringy's and maybe Groucho's,_

 _Life is gonna be a wow-wow-whee!_

 _For my shadow and me!_

*Alvin and Zack then finish their performance, me and Azure just sitting there stunned before we start to applaud*

TimberWolf: Alvin and Zack everybody.

* * *

 **Rule #114:** As an extension to Rule #108, if you can fart and clear a room... OWN UP TO IT!

TimberWolf: Nothing I can't stand more is when someone let's one go and swears up and down that it wasn't them.

*Azure looks around a bit before sniffing the air, then covers her nose and coughs*

Azure: TimberWolf? Did you just-

TimberWolf: No I didn't fart, trust me on this Azure, if that were me... YOU'D BE DEAD!

*slowly me and Azure drop into an argument, not noticing as six chipmunk pups sneak out of the room from behind the couch*

* * *

 **Rule #115:** Never question Sandra's judgement.

*Azure looks this rule over and then gives me a questioning look*

Azure: What's this about?

*I roll my eyes and glance at my laptop, Sandra typing away on it before slowly turning and yelping silently in surprise*

Sandra: *Sign Language* _HOW DID YOU HEAR ME!?_

TimberWolf: I didn't, just this rule is oddly specific.

Azure: Yeah... if you're going to do this kind of thing, try doing it when TimberWolf is asleep.

*I turn to Azure and give her a "cut it out" gesture*

TimberWolf: Don't need her getting any new ideas!

Sandra: *Sign Language* _Thanks Azure, I'll try that!_

Azure: Whoops.

* * *

 **Rule #116:** League of Legends is banned from the Seville home.

Azure: Isn't that a game?

TimberWolf: Yeah, a MOBA where you pick out a Champion with four other team mates, and do battle against an enemy team of Champions.

Azure: then why is it banned?

*I sigh and pull up Twitch on my laptop*

TimberWolf: Alvin made a team with Simon, Theodore, Nathan and Zack once, called themselves "Force of Nature", Simon is Karthus, Theodore is Tahm Kench, Zack is Ekko, Nathan is Mordekaiser, and Alvin is Teemo. This is a clip from their last live stream.

*Starts up the clip and the typical chatter is heard*

Alvin: Okay, Simon, you and Theodore go top lane, I'll go bot with Zack, Nathan take the mid lane and hold out for as long as you can-

Nathan: Excuse me? "hold out for as long as I can"? I think I can hold out longer than you can.

Zack: Come on guys, we don't need to fight... at least not ourselves.

In Game Announcer: MINIONS HAVE BEEN SPAWNED!

Simon: CRAP, everyone to their lanes!

Theodore: I got it!

*eventually the team bickers too much and loses the game horribly*

Alvin: COME ON! I WAS FUCKING TEEMO! HOW DID WE LOSE!?

Simon: Because you kept on bitching and distracting us.

*clip ends and I glance to Azure*

TimberWolf: Understand now?

*Azure nods her head and smiles*

Azure: I get it.

* * *

 **Rule #117:** Singing "Walk The Dinosaur" is banned. (Azure)

TimberWolf: Aww man! That's a fun song!

Azure: Yeah well I got it stuck in my head after my brother sang it for HOURS!

*I then glance around and grin*

TimberWolf: _Open the door!_

Azure: TimberWolf-

TimberWolf: _Get on the floor!_

Azure: DON'T SAY IT!

TimberWolf: _Everybody do the Dinosaur!_

*Azure growls and then punches me in the stomach, sending me onto my back*

TimberWolf: Ouch... that hurt.

Azure: NEXT RULE PLEASE!

* * *

 **Rule #118:** Jade can play the violin but never pressure her to do it!

Jade: It get's me really nervous... and I can't think properly about all the notes involved.

Azure: I can understand, it's like when someone's staring at you when you're trying to write something down.

TimberWolf: I don't get that problem myself... okay I don't get it very often... STOP IT!

*Jade and Azure are staring at me, before Jade takes out her violin and starts to do the theme from "Psycho"*

TimberWolf: Very fitting guys, now cut it out!

* * *

 **Rule #119:** When Gwen is visiting Sandra, don't try and startle her.

TimberWolf: this is a rule because people forget that, one Sandra is a pretty good sentinel, and two, since Gwen can't hear anything, her other senses are heightened considerably... and so are her reflexes.

Azure: So she got spider senses?

TimberWolf: Sort of, more like she's able to feel the vibrations of even the lightest footsteps.

*Gwen in the living room with Sandra, when Toby tries to sneak up on her, only for Gwen to punch him in the groin without looking away from the TV*

Toby: OW... I don't think I'm gonna make it... tell my story!

* * *

 **Rule #120:** The web series "Llamas with Hats" is forever banned! (Azure)

Azure: It wouldn't be too bad if Alvin and Zack weren't always acting these things out.

*Alvin and Zack in the living room, Simon pretending to be dead with his hands inside his sleeves*

Zack: Caaarl! What happened here? Why is there a dead guy in the house!

Alvin: Well you see, I was in my room, and then this guy walked in... and I stabbed him in the chest thirty seven times with a knife.

Zack: Caaarl! That kills people!

Alvin: Oh... didn't know that.

Zack: Where are his hands, why are they missing?

Alvin: Well I cut them off and cooked them up... then I ate them.

Zack: Why would you do that!? What's wrong with you?!

Alvin: Well I kill people and eat hands, that's two things right?

Zack: CAAARL!

Alvin: My stomach was making the rumblies... that only hands could satisfy.

* * *

And that's been chapter 6 of my rule book, special thanks to SuicideAzure for being my guest author, and I hope you all out there enjoyed these rules, stay tuned, next set is from 121 to 140.

Azure: And if you have a spare moment, don't forget to check out my stories... SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION *cheesy peace sign pose*

TimberWolf: ... okay then, anyway see you next time.

TimberWolf & Azure: PEACE!


	7. Chapter 7: Sandra's Rules (121 to 140)

**Opening Statement:** Hey everyone... It's a bit late a night to be doing this, and I think TimberWolf could wake up at any moment... but as SuicideAzure said in the previous chapter I should do this while he's asleep. Oh, who's this you ask? It's me, Sandra Seville! And I'm making the rules this time... hope TimberWolf doesn't mind, but then again he let my Mom do this, why not me? Anyway, hope you like these... and again I hope TimberWolf isn't too mad at me after this is posted. (mini A/N: this chapter is a POV from Sandra's POV, so like in chapter 3 when you see "Me" it's actually Sandra)

 **Disclaimer:** I think those are in chapter 1 and 4 of this post.

* * *

So I have some rules to address here, and they are pretty simple ones. Some are useful... others are just guidelines, anyways, let's get started!

 **Rules 121 to 140:**

 **Rule #121:** When you hear Nickelback playing from Sandra's room, DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!

I'm putting this here because I've lately been doing a rather unique workout routine... and it involves a pole...

*Alvin walking to my room and just entering, hearing the song "Something In Your Mouth" by Nickelback playing*

Alvin: Hey Sandy, you forgot your- WHAT THE HELL!?

*I am currently frozen on the makeshift pole, my legs crossed around it and my upper body currently arched down toward the floor, before I start signing my words*

Me: *Sign Language* _Dad... I know how this looks... it's only exercise._

Alvin: *eye twitching* Wha- why this?

Me: *eyes shift before I sign my response* _A body like mine doesn't just happen by itself..._

Okay, so I've been pole dancing for a workout... ain't a girl allowed to have a bit secret activities... though the look on his face was as if he was devastated... not like I've done this for anyone... _yet._

* * *

 **Rule #122:** Kevin is gay, DEAL WITH IT!

I love all my siblings equally, but I feel a need to protect Kevin since he came out as a homosexual, especially when Ryan's involved.

*Myself, Gwen and Ryan in the cafeteria chatting together when Kevin hops up onto the table next to me*

Kevin: Hey Sandra, I kinda forgot my hair brush, mind if I borrow yours?

*I nod and reach into my handbag, pulling out my brush and handing it to my younger brother, Kevin nodding and dashing off toward the nearest reflective surface, Ryan looking a bit confused until it clued in what just happened*

Ryan: Is Kevin a f- *notices my glare and rethinks his words* -flamboyant young man?

*I give Ryan a flat look and sign my response*

Me: *Sign Language* _Smooth Ryan... like a fresh jar of Skippy... you dork._

Ryan: HEY! I caught myself didn't I?

Gwen: *Sign Language* _Ryan nearly called Kevin a "fag" didn't he._

Me: *nods and signs my response* _Nearly... but he did catch himself._

Ryan: Thank you!

To be fair, Ryan did catch himself on his words... I guess old habits as a douche die hard.

* * *

 **Rule #123:** Communal bathing is only permitted if Michael is in a separate tub.

I say this because... well he likes to piss in the bath water.

*all six of us siblings in the bathroom sink, bathing and just generally getting a nice soak, when the water starts to feel warmer than normal*

Kendra: Mikey!

Michael: What? It's not like I have a disease or something.

Kevin: It's still disgusting! Now I'm going to have to wash my fur again!

Jade: Actually in the past urine was used as a rudimentary antiseptic-

Me: *Sign Language* _Doesn't mean we have to bathe in the stuff!_

Amy: I'M OUT!

*Amy, along with everyone else in the sink leap out of the ruined bath water, Michael staying there and relaxing*

Michael: Oh well, more bath time for me!

I swear Michael is such a goofball. But I love him for it... speaking of Mikey...

* * *

 **Rule #124:** Never bet money on anything if Michael is involved.

I swear, my brother studies old comedy routines for his own bits, and recently he pulled an old Abbott and Costello routine on our uncle Simon and made fifty dollars off it... it was actually hilarious to watch.

*Simon working in the basement when Michael rushes in with a grin on his face*

Michael: Hey, did you know that seven goes into twenty-eight, thirteen times?

Simon: What? No it doesn't- THAT MAKES NO SENSE!

Michael: Wanna bet on it? Fifty dollars says I can prove that seven goes into twenty-eight, thirteen times.

*Simon considers it and then chuckles*

Simon: You're on!

*Michael then puts the appropriate equation on the board*

Michael: Okay first, seven into two... it doesn't go there, so we're going to take that two away, and just hold it off to the side, then seven into eight... once, so I put down a one over here. Now I'm going to take the seven, and drop it right here.

*Michael then drops the seven under the eight on the equation, and draws a line under it*

Michael: Now, seven from eight is one, and now we're going to take that two, and drop it right next to the one, now seven into twenty-one... three, place that up here, and we got thirteen. Seven into twenty-eight is thirteen.

*Simon just looked flabbergasted and shakes his head*

Simon: Okay, there's a better way to prove this, and that's with multiplication.

*Michael chuckles and erases the white board, writing out the equation for thirteen times seven*

Michael: Okay, so seven times three is twenty-one.

Simon: Right.

Michael: Seven times one is seven.

*at this point, in the answer box, Michael has placed the twenty-one first, with the seven below it, then drew another line under that*

Michael: Now, one and seven is eight, and two to carry... twenty-eight.

*Simon is once again shocked and shakes his head*

Simon: Okay, addition should definitely clear things up.

Michael: *grins* you want me to put thirteen up on the board seven times and add it all up?

Simon: Yes... actually I'll do the adding.

*Michael nods and draws out the equation, then hands the marker to his uncle*

Simon: Okay... three, six, nine, twelve, fifteen, eighteen, twenty-one-

*Michael suddenly grabs the marker and counts the ones into the whole number*

Michael: twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven... twenty-eight!

*Simon is speechless and starts to scratch his head, before rolling his eyes and pulling a fifty dollar bill out of his pocket*

Simon: You win.

Michael: Damn right I win.

I know, and when Michael told me about it later I nearly pissed myself laughing.

* * *

 **Rule #125:** When Luke comes over to court Sandra, leave them be!

I say this for obvious reasons... okay fine! I don't like interruptions in my love life, and something that my mother, father and siblings all seem to be great at blocking any shot I try to make.

*Luke and I watching TV, when I lean myself against his shoulder, his arm around my waist*

Luke: Care for a kiss beautiful?

*I nod and lean in toward him, only for Kevin to run in and leap up onto the shelf, Michael following before Kevin yelled and pulled a pile driver from up above onto his younger brother*

Michael: NOOOOOO!

Kevin: SAY "UNCLE"!

Michael: NEVER!

*I roll my eyes before getting up and walking over, pulling off and slapping both across the face and stunning them to silence*

I can't stand it at all when that happens... I'm just thankful that, as school president I can get back at them with my power.

* * *

 **Rule #126:** Related to Rule #121, if you hear Miley Cyrus music from Kevin's room... DON'T ASK!

I shouldn't have to explain this rule but since this is a household rule book I'm going to do it anyway. See, as stated above my brother Kevin is gay, and since coming out he's been a lot more open about it, and I mean a LOT more open...

*I'm on my way to my own room when I hear a certain track playing from Kevin's room, along with his voice singing along*

Kevin: *singing* _I go through guys, like money flyin' out the hands! They try to change me, but they realize they can't. And every tomorrow is a day I never plan! If you're gonna be my man, understand! I can't be tamed!_ *continues singing the words*

Me: *thinking* _Oh good GOD! Didn't really need that mental image!_

Yeah... it's great that Kevin's being true to himself but I actually used to like that song... now whenever I hear it I get my brother's image in my head!

* * *

 **Rule #127:** If Sandra's in her room for more than thirty minutes with the door closed, KNOCK FIRST!

I have no voice, meaning I could be doing ANYTHING when you just walk in... Dad learned that the hard way, on more than one occasion.

*I'm in my room reading a harlequin romance novel, at a particularly hot scene when Alvin walks in*

Alvin: Hey Sandra, you mother wanted me to let you know that supper is ready... oh thank God! I didn't walk in on anything weird!

Yeah, there's the odd time where Dad doesn't really walk in on me doing anything... this post is Rated T and I don't plan on making TimberWolf change that for a laugh.

* * *

 **Rule #128:** Sandra is now pregnant... but DON'T YOU DARE try to limit her in any way!

I'm saying this because everyone is worrying over my pregnancy... I appreciate it and all but there comes a time when you have to let things run their course... and I'm literally only days into the term, so don't try to keep me from doing anything!

*I'm about to take my morning walk when Luke guides me into the living room instead*

Luke: Babe, the doctor told us you can't over exert yourself, so come on let's watch some X-Files-

Me: *Sign Language* _I'm only taking a walk hon... I need fresh air._

Luke: Then how about I open the window for you instead?

*I give Luke a brief glare and start gesturing my response*

Me: *Sign Language* _I'm going for my walk, if you want you can join me but I am NOT being cooped up in here for a month!_

Luke: *sighs and nods* Okay, we can go for a walk...

Me: *thinking* _Damn right we can go for a walk!_

I love nature... and nothing's changing about that. And for that reason DON'T TRY to CAGE ME UP!

* * *

 **Rule #129:** FNAF is banned from this house... PERIOD!

This is a rule my Dad wanted added... see me and Luke convinced my Mom and Dad to take turns with the game and let's just say we made them a bit... jumpy.

*Alvin and Brittany sitting at the computer and playing FNAF, Alvin and Brittany both panicking*

Brittany: Okay... we're on Night 5... OH GOD! WHERE'S THE BUNNY!?

Alvin: FUCK THE BUNNY! I'M MORE CONCERNED WITH FREDDY FUCKING FAZBEAR!

*Alvin flips the security camera up and yelps upon seeing Foxy running down the hall*

Alvin: OH FUCK!

*Alvin goes to close the door, and succeeds, only for Golden Freddy to pop into the room and jumpscare the two chipmunks, causing both to scream and jump to the ceiling*

Yeah, my Dad isn't that great under stress... though he did admit the game was fun he didn't like it when I told him there was a total of five games, one of which being more of an RPG than a point and click horror title.

* * *

 **Rule #130:** If you want to keep eggs, HIDE THEM!

I don't know why, but for some reason I love eggs a lot more than I used to... especially if their raw. I know that sounds disgusting to you readers, but for myself and other animals, we can digest most foods you cook easily while they're raw... in fact the other day I craved for raw bacon, and good GOD was it delicious!

Oh, there's no skit with this one, I think I've explained it enough... but I can blow you all a kiss if you like *kisses hand and blows toward the readers*

* * *

 **Rule #131:** In regards to guest authors, Isiah and Tom are NOT allowed to startle me.

This one is simple, a couple days ago Isiah and Tom came over to hang out with TimberWolf, and let's just say they were curious about how I scream... those buggers.

*I'm sitting on the couch and unaware of Isiah and Tom sneaking up behind me, both holding air horns before they blast them in my direction, causing me to silently scream and leap to the ceiling, clinging with my claws all the while they laughed*

Tom: OH MAN! Sorry Sandra but we were curious is all...

Isiah: Yeah, wanted to know if you could scream-

*at this point I have leaped down to Isiah's face and started to tear into him, Tom running out of the room*

Isiah: OH GOD! IT HURTS!

Tom: BYE!

Isiah: I THOUGHT "WE RIDE TOGETHER, WE DIE TOGETHER"!

Tom: DIE BY YOURSELF BRO!

I eventually stopped... and thankfully Isiah only had to get a few stitches... hey he could have died! I think since he didn't that everyone's a winner... except for Isiah... I sent him a get well card.

* * *

 **Rule #132:** for similar reasons to Rule #129, FNAF songs are banned from being covered.

The obvious exception to this rule is during Halloween, but sometimes we slip up... a lot.

*I'm walking into the kitchen, whistling the tune to "Break My Mind" while making a sandwich*

Alvin: SANDRA! NO FNAF SONGS!

*Michael then walks into the living room and is singing the song "Die In A Fire" ti himself*

Michael: _I hope you die in a fire! Hope you'll be stabbed in the_ -

Brittany: SHUT UP MICHAEL!

*Jade is in her room, playing the tune for "It's Been So Long" on her violin*

Nathan: NO FNAF SONGS!

Yeah... we kids really like FNAF... even me and I'm prone to nightmares... come to think of it I should invest in a flashlight.

* * *

 **Rule #133:** in regards to mine and Luke's pups... NO ONE WILL HURT THRM EVER!

I don't want to come across as crazy, but since they were born recently I can't stress how strong my maternal instincts are... must be compensation for my lack of a voice.

*I'm in the living room with Luke and our litter, currently snuggling with Ashley when James Suggs walks into the room*

James: Hey, this is the new bunch of Seville pups? They are adorable.

Sandra: *Sign Language* _Yeah, you can pet them if you like but be gentle._

*James reaches to pet one, Brianna being his choice, only for the eldest pup to let loose a scream upon being startled by James's gentle touch*

James: Oh dear, I'm sorry little- GAHHHH!

*I've managed to had Ashley to her dad before I pounce onto James's face, scratching and clawing at him before Nathan flies into the room and pulls me off*

I'm still working on curbing my maternal instincts a bit... but It's hard when you have fourteen little bundles to look after.

* * *

 **Rule #134:** Ashley likes fencing... so careful when you approach.

It's been a while since I've worked on this, being a mother to fourteen pups is hard! I'm actually surprised that TimberWolf hasn't found my save file for this, but anyway the reason for this rule is that she's prone to using a plastic sandwich sword as the real thing when she practices... and she's pretty good at it.

*Ashley playing around with a plastic sandwich sword when I enter the room*

Me: *Sign Language* _Ashley! Don't play with those! They could hurt you-_

*I stop and duck under a swing, she apparently hadn't noticed me enter the room and immediately drops the toy*

Ashley: I'm so sorry Mom... are you okay?

Me: *after checking that I'm in one piece, I gesture my response* _YOU young lady are grounded... unless you give me a hug._

*Ashley immediately hugs me, a silent sigh escaping my lips while I hugged her back*

What? I find it hard to punish my kids... DON'T JUDGE ME!

* * *

 **Rule #135:** When David and Grandpa Dave are in the same room, specify which you speak to.

Its been a bit complicated since I have a child named David, and his Great Grandfather is also named Dave... though at times it can be pretty funny to watch.

*David walks into the living room, Dave already there in his armchair when Cleo flies in and looks around for something*

Cleo: Dave, have you seen my phone anywhere?

David: No, I didn't... sorry Great Aunt Cleo...

Cleo: Not you David, I meant your Grandpa-

Dave: What? You looking for David... he's right there.

*Cleo looks a bit frustrated but keeps her cool*

Cleo: Yes, Dave have you-

David: I haven't seen it!

Dave: Yeah, why are you constantly asking him where your phone is?

Cleo: I'm asking YOU Dave!

David: And I'm telling YOU Aunt Cleo, I DON'T KNOW!

*Cleo is now visibly pissed, but doesn't do anything other than turn around and leave the room*

Cleo: NEVER MIND! I'll call my phone and follow the sound!

*David and Dave glance to each other and wink before they start to laugh*

Yeah... they like to pick at people by playing like being confused... and to be honest I do the same thing with my daughter Sandy.

* * *

 **Rule #136:** similar to Rule #133, when we, the Stevenson family, are in school together, NO BULLYING MY KIDS!

I say this because it's a rare occurrence when the parents and children are going to school at the same time together, it's mostly due to our development, but at the same time it makes it easier to actually be there for them... to an extent.

*I'm in the cafeteria with my husband and children, Gwen and Ryan also sitting nearby when someone new, we'll call him "Bob", walks by and chuckles*

"Bob": Hey look, these kids have their mommy with them! They must still be babies!

Ryan: *shakes his head* Bad move there dude.

*"Bob" gives a confused look, then yelps when, like a super hero team of sorts, Sandra's siblings as well as Julian, Amani, Kris and Zack show up, Luke standing next to his wife and growling a bit*

Luke: You have about ten seconds to either run or apologize bub.

Zack: That's right, you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!

"Bob": Okay, I'm sorry, won't happen again.

Yeah, never really caught the guy's name, so I just went with "Bob" for the time being... Again, don't judge me, I can't stand leaving a blank space anywhere.

* * *

 **Rule #137:** Kendra ISN'T single... but if you value your sanity NEVER ask her who she's dating!

As the rule title itself explains, my younger sister Kendra is not single, but her relationship status is... complicated. I made the mistake of asking her this myself but she didn't give me a straight answer.

*I'm in the laundry room washing some clothes, when I hear Kendra giggling, looking to her and noting she's on her phone, texting someone*

Me: *Sign Language* _Who're you texting sis?_

*Kendra doesn't notice me speaking, blushing now as she received a text from whomever it was she was talking to, so I take a breath and whistle to her, gaining her full attention this time*

Kendra: What do you want Sandra? I'm busy texting my boyfriend here.

Me: *Sign Language* _"Boyfriend"? Since when do you have one of those sis? And who is he?_

Kendra: I'm not telling you... it's nothing personal but I don't want anyone to know about it.

Me: *giving Kendra a confused look before I gesture my response* _I have no voice remember? I think your secret is safe with me above all else._

Kendra: *shakes her head* Nope, you may not have a voice to talk with, but you can still speak with your hands... you might let his name slip through your fingers by accident.

*I simply roll my eyes and blow a raspberry at Kendra*

Kendra doesn't have very many secrets, but those she does have are kept so guarded that you'd have better luck trying to break into Fort Knox than to uncover her secrets.

* * *

 **Rule #138:** Similar to Rule #131 (but relating more to Rule #103), in regards to guest authors, Azure and Ashley aren't allowed to be left alone together.

I found out the hard way that Azure and Ashley think very much alike, and while I love that my daughter is making new friends... I just wished those friends weren't into pranks so much.

*Me and Luke watching TV together when Ashley runs by with a book, Azure chasing after her*

Azure: Get back here with my journal!

Ashley: NEVER!

*the two run out of the left doorway, then a few seconds later Azure runs back into the room, being chased by all fourteen of our pups, my brothers and sisters, as well as my cousins Julian and Amani*

Azure: I DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH!

Ashley: CHARGE!

While I'll admit that moment made me laugh, I was still very upset... not that they did this mind you, rather they interrupted my TV time with Luke.

* * *

 **Rule #139:** Insults are not tolerated in this house... PERIOD!

I say this because I have to deal with fourteen children every day! Luke helps me sure enough but even then it still gets a bit hectic sometimes.

*Simone and Lucas arguing over what to watch on TV*

Lucas: I want to watch cartoons!

Simone: And I want to watch something else!

Lucas: YOU ALWAYS PICK THE SHOWS!

Simone: BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS PICK SOMETHING STUPID!

*I finally enter the room and give a loud whistle to gain my children's attention*

Me: *Sign Language* _If you two can't say nothing nice to each other, then act like me and DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!_

*Simone and Lucas both blink at my words and then silently browse through the shows on Netflix*

I said I didn't like punishing my kids... never said I couldn't raise my proverbial voice to them.

* * *

 **Rule #140:** If Michael and Karen are speaking together, RUN!

Apparently heterochromia, a condition that causes mixed colored eyes, is also an indicator for whom is going to be the biggest maker of mischief, as I've noticed when my daughter Karen and her uncle Michael are speaking together, not to long after something happens.

*Michael and Karen discussing something together when Luke walks into the room*

Luke: Hey Mikey, Karen... what are you doing?

Michael: Oh nothing, just showing Karen here a neat little trick.

Karen: YEAH! Wanna see it Dad?

*Luke shrugs his shoulders*

Luke: Sure, so how does it work?

*Karen then guides Luke to an "X" on the floor, telling him to stay there*

Karen: Okay Dad, when I say- WAIT NOT YET!

*suddenly, Luke is covered in a blob of shaving cream that fell from above*

Luke: Sweetheart, did you just prank Daddy?

Karen: Uncle Mike told me to do it!

Michael: You little LIAR!

Yup, sometimes I wonder why my little Karen had to be the one to become a prankster. But then again that's life I guess.

* * *

Okay, so that took a lot longer than I thought it would, but mainly because every night I got to work on this chapter I had to hide from TimberWolf getting up to use the washroom... and I got pregnant, had fourteen kids and am now the only parent I know of who is attending school with their own children. Anywho I hope you enjoyed this little set of rules, and assuming I'm able to upload it before TimberWolf catches me I'll expect some comments in the box below, and as the big guy himself says... PEACE!


End file.
